The Mean Machine

I was finally told what the MM stood for in my club soccer team's name, MM Arsenal. Apparently in 2001 there was a British Football (soccer) movie made in the likeness of "The Longest Yard" called, "Mean Machine." It's about a former English footballer named Danny Meehan who was banned from the game after helping to fix a match between England and Germany. Later, he assaulted two police officers in a pub brawl and was thrown in prison. The warden offers him the job of coaching the prison guard team, but he declines in order to not upset his fellow inmates. He then begins training a group of prisoners to take on the guards.

Danny is played by Vinnie Jones, who is actually a former player that helped Wimbledon to the FA Cup title in 1988. You may remember Vinnie from such roles as Sphinx in "Gone in Sixty Seconds", Bullet Tooth Tony in "Snatch," Big Chris in "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels," or Mad Maynard in "Eurotrip." He will also be Juggernaut in the upcoming "X-Men: The Last Stand."

On Sunday, Mean Machine Arsenal played our season opener on the road in Schaumburg against the Vikings. We took the lead 1-0 halfway through the first stanza, but allowed a fluke goal just before halftime to go in level at 1-1. A shot from the outside was muffed by our keeper due to the heavy winds as the ball took on the flight pattern of a Time Wakefield knuckleball. An attacking player followed it in and had an easy tap in for the equalizer.
Our second goal came just a few minutes into the second half, but for one reason or another we couldn't find the hammer to go two goals up and put them away. It may have been because of the wind, the small field (it was the smallest field I've played on since I was about 12) and the terrible playing surface, but we just couldn't put them away.

With about 2 minutes to play they equalized again, this time on an own goal. One of their players sent in a high arching cross that our defense tried to clear. A header glanced up toward our own net and our back-up goalie (who was in due to an injured hand by our starter) was caught off his line and the ball beat him just under the crossbar.

Tough breaks all around, but we managed to gain a point in the standings with the tie. Further, it was a point on the road. We are the only team in the league to have earned a point on the road in week one, so that's the good news. The bad news is that we should have earned three and could live to regret it later. We'll play our home opener at our facility in Vernon Hills this Sunday at 9:45 am against Real FC.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the MM Arsenal match, Amy and I headed over to the Glenview Community Park at the ABT complex for a game that I had to officiate. This game was between a Mexican team and a predominantly Eastern European/Middle Eastern team. The Mexican team prevailed 6-2, but I saw a few things in this match that I had never seen in over 12 years of officiating this sport.

First, I cautioned (yellow carded) a player for diving. I know many Americans have a problem with soccer because of the "fake" injuries and dives that take place. In all seriousness, with such little protection it is entirely possible to take a good crack on the leg and be in a bit of pain, but still be able to finish the game. One thing that referees are taught, but rarely do, is to punish those that "feign a foul." It's a difficult issue because you can't stop play unless a foul actually occurs. What you must do is wait for the next stoppage in play and then go back and caution the player for unsporting behavior. I definitely did this.

The next thing that happened, literally 5 minutes later, was an illegal substitution. It clearly states in the FIFA Laws of the Game that a player cannot enter or reenter the field of play without the referee's permission. After a goal kick, the Mexican team substituted two of it's players out. However, only one player came onto the field. Once the ball was put in play, that second player is not allowed to enter the field. A full 30 seconds or so after that kick was taken, the player wandered onto the field. At the next stoppage I cautioned him, sent him off the field, and then allowed him to reenter at the next opportunity. I felt like an ass, for doing it, but I had just cautioned a player for diving so I felt I had to keep order and be a tight ass.

Finally, the team that ended up losing was awarded a penalty kick in the second half after one of their players was fouled in the penalty area. However, one of their players encroached on the area before the kick was taken and the ball entered the goal. In this instance, you have to retake the kick. The kicker then missed the retake. Unreal. Their coach erupted (apparently he did, I have done well with tuning out coaches and fans over the years) and filed a formal complaint with the league. There is no doubt in my mind that their player encroached though, he was about 2 yards away from me when the kicker struck the ball. He must've run nearly 10 meters to get that far in.

Weird, weird game.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally, I had to play a game for The Globe Pub, a co-ed team comprised of employees and friends of the bar as well as a handful of folks from the Chicago Fire front office. We played our first match to a 0-0 draw nearly a month ago and since then have managed two wins. We sat at 2-0-1 and in third position entering the match on Sunday against the league leaders.

4:00 rolled around (game time) and still there were hardly any Globe players there. In soccer you must have 7 players to start and in this particular co-ed league you can never have more than 7 males on the field at one time. There is no minimum number of females however, which is good since only one of ours showed up. We played the entire match 11 on 8 as a result.

After an early barrage of shots and services into box, we actually broke through with a goal and led 1-0 at the half. It seemed at times that one of the two officials was playing for them as well as every call imaginable was made against our side. After we took a 2-0 lead on a goal from Beth, the lone girl that showed up, all hell broke loose.

One of their players was whistled for a hand ball about 25-yards from goal and just outside the left post. After the defense got their wall set up, I hit a blistering shot into the upper 90 (soccer slang for the corner where the post meets the crossbar) on the far post. Our team celebrated and got ready for the kickoff. Except, there was no kickoff. Before we realized what happened, they had restarted with a kick at the exact spot I shot from.

There are two things wrong with this. One, the referee was saying that a hand ball is an indirect kick. On an indirect kick another player has to touch the ball before it enters the goal. Never, in the history of soccer, has this a handball been an indirect kick. Absurd.

Secondly, if, in fact, there WAS an indirect kick taken and the ball went directly into the goal, this would have been an improper restart. You don't take the kick from the original spot, if would be considered a goal kick. This is because the taking of the kick isn't the foul on an indirect kick, the entering of the goal without someone else touching it is. It would be treated as if the ball had crossed the goal line having been last touched by the attacking team, which results in a goal kick. I, of course, argued, and the second official agreed with me. Unfortunately since the ball had already been put into play there was nothing they could do.

I got my vengeance (sort of) on a goal from 16-yards a little later on and we finished with a 3-0 win despite being short handed. However, the end wasn't without controversy. This one old prick on the other team had been pissing me off and then he started fouling both myself and our lone girl pretty hard. Things like tripping me when I didn't even have the ball as I was trying to make a run on through. He also fouled me once well after the ball had been knocked out of bounds. Clearly he was trying to bait me into doing something stupid, which as angry as I can get sometimes, I know where the line is. It was getting obnoxious, but the African ref that didn't know the rules and didn't speak any English wasn't going to do anything about it so I did my best to steer clear of him.

Also, my IT band/LCL on my left knee have been bothering me big time lately and I couldn't really do much in the way of cutting and stopping quickly. I didn't want to chance getting cracked on my knee since it was obvious to everyone that I was in some pain. I'm sure the prick would have gone after it if he had the chance. I did my best to not get in situations with him like that and it became merely a war of words. I did, however, get one nice comment in that was within his hearing distance. When I was talking with the British ref about the handball thing, he said something about the prick and to just let it go. I said, "I will. But if the guy wasn't older than my dad I would have kicked his ass by now." I think I way have also called the guy some variation of douche-bag/hole/rag.

The actual article from the match can be read on The Globe Pub's website here under the date 4/25/06.