This is hardly my fantasy

I've pretty much avoided fantasy football like the plague over recent years. I found it to be a monumental waste of time and I looked at all the nerdy guys that were perplexed over their teams and spent hours on them and I thought to myself, "Self, don't get roped in."

This year my dear friend Mrs. Miami, who most of you know as the girl I dated in college, at Miami, asked me to help her out. She was entering a fantasy football league with her boyfriend and his friends and family and she didn't want to look like an idiot. As I'm the one real sports junkie she knows, she trusted my advice. I gave her some pointers, but she was doing a live draft, so I wouldn't be able to help her much on that day. When she came to me looking for more help after losing her week one game, I didn't know what to say at first.

"Dude, I'll pay you to do this for me."

I agreed.

Her roster looked good enough, so I thought I was going to have it easy. In fact, had she made two changes to her opening day starters (Peterson and Moss) she would have won going away. I really thought this would be easy money. Here is a list of the team she drafted and what has happened since.

QB Mark Bulger - LT Orlando Pace went down, Bulger got broke, released after week five
QB Vince Young - Filled in twice for Bulger, 5+ one week, -6 the next week, benched
RB Frank Gore - Started slowly, has become a great #2 back
RB Adrian Peterson - started on bench in week one with her at the helm, is now the #1 back
RB Warrick Dunn - released before week two
RB Marshawn Lynch - still around, but hasn't played much
WR Randy Moss - on bench for week one with her at the helm, best player on team now
WR Torry Holt - has been mediocre, still starting despite injury and not playing much
WR Lee Evans - released before week six, has been a disaster
TE Chris Cooley - played well for a few weeks, released during bye week for Dallas Clark
PK Matt Stover - starter
DST Miami - released before week two

We've been bouncing around to different defenses depending on the match-up and haven't exactly been successful at it. We currently only have two WRs on the roster and we're without a good QB. Through our different player acquisitions and releases, and accounting for byes and injuries, our roster for this week looks like this:

QB Brian Griese
RB Adrian Peterson
WR Randy Moss
WR Torry Holt
TE Dez Clark
R/W Earnest Graham
PK Matt Stover
DST Seattle

BN Vince Young
BN Frank Gore
BN Dallas Clark
BN Marshawn Lynch

The plan calls for releasing Dez Clark and picking up a 3rd WR after this week to fill the upcoming byes of Holt and Moss in weeks 8 and 9. We will likely also drop Griese and pick up someone else after the Bears get by the Vikings 30th ranked pass defense. Dropping Graham is also likely in the event we find another RB or WR to fill the void.

Here's the thing that bothers me the most. I just wrote a fucking blog post about my fantasy football team. I've become everything that I hate. Somebody shoot me.