Indians vs. Red Sox - Game 1

6:10 Here we go! Live blogging the opener of the ALCS...
6:12 Sizemore strikes out to start the game, not a good sign.
6:14 Joe Buck (puke) and Tim McCarver are your broadcasters tonight, this is going to be a trip.
6:15 McCarver says that Varitek is "flawless" calling games behind the plate. Asdrubal strikes out. Guess he's right so far.
6:17 Pronk goes yard. 1-0, Cleveland. Joe Buck tells the "Pronk" story. I guess Hafner loves his nickname.
6:17 Unfortunately, at this point in the game, I'm mid-commute instead of in front of the tv where I belong. My mother calls me to tell me that Mr. Hafner has hit the baseball. I yell "Pronk went yard already?!" and annoy some people on the train. My mother says "Who's Pronk? Hafner got the hit." Which one of us is the Indians fan again??
6:20 Beckettt strikes out the side around the Hafner home run. Man he looks tough. It also looks like a left-hander hitters night the way that ball carried. Good thing Boston only has one of those in the lineup. Bad thing, its Big Papi.

6:20 Middle of 1st, 1-0 Cleveland.

6:23 Captain Cheeseburger Sabaconpants "sizzles" strike one in there. Like the "Baconator" at Wendy's. Mmmmmm.
6:24 WHAT A CATCH on a line drive back at C.C. That could've been ugly as it almost took his head off.
6:25 The crowd is VERY quiet. Had I had time to get home and do some "keys of the game," I would have said that the Indians scoring first and getting the crowd out of it was one of them.
6:27 Good analysis on why the Indians aren't completely shifted around on Big Papi. With as hard as Sabaconpants throws, left handed hitters won't necessarily be able to pull the ball.
6:29 Maybe they should have, Papi singles up the middle. Two on, one out for Manny.
6:30 This seems like a good time to mention my disdain for Manny Ramirez. We always knew he was a giant douche. One of those guys that I really hate that we let go, but I'm kinda glad because I don't like the dreads, the pine tar on the helmet looks dumb, and he's more of a space cadet then Cher from "Clueless." I swear this guy hits so well because he's too stupid to think about how a pitcher is going to throw to him. He doesn't "make adjustments." See ball. Hit ball.
6:32 Shit. Here we go. Three straight singles. Tie game. C.C. is getting ahead of everyone, but can't put them away. This is not good.

6:35 Double play. End of the 1st, tied 1-1.

6:36 Just before that pitch, they showed Red Sox GM Theo Epstein, the wonder kid. Hardly a wonder kid if you ask me. When you have the second highest payroll, you SHOULD be in the ALCS. That actually reminded me of an article I read today on ESPN.go.com (its part of the go network.) Theo is the only GM of the final four teams that is NOT part of the John Hart "family tree." For those that don't know John Hart, he's the architect that built the Indians from 1991-2001. Genius if you ask me.
6:39 McCarver reminds me that "the Indians are doing THIS year what they were supposed to do LAST year." Thanks for that. I know we shit the bed in 2006.
6:40 Two ground outs to third to start the second. We learn that Eric Wedge is receiving the Sporting News "Manager of the Year" award. Nice.
6:41 Ramirez makes a nice catch in left on a Lofton deep liner that was over his head.

6:41 Middle of two, still 1-1.

6:44 The Captain strikes out Kielty to start the second. Kielty got the start today for this reason: J.D. Drew is 0-3 with 3 K's in his career versus C.C. and Kielty is 9-29. However, what Francona failed to mention is that Kielty is 2-14 in the last four seasons against him. Nice.
6:46 Back to back K's, which is nice because I took the over for walks plus strikeouts on C.C. tonight at 7.5. Now Coco Crisp is up, another former Indian.
6:48 The Captain strikes out the side on 11 pitches. Threw 8 straight strikes to start the inning. Wow. Looks like he settled in a little more in the second. Almost halfway to my over in two innings.

6:49 End of 2nd, 1-1.

6:52 They tell us that Franklin Gutierrez was part of the Milton Bradley deal. Mark Shapiro really DID know what he was doing. Even when he had good young talent, he went out and found better talent that isn't completely off the charts bat shit crazy.
6:55 First two batters are retired quickly. Beckett is working quickly and painlessly.
6:56 Jesus Christ. Five strikeouts for Beckett. That was WAY too quick of an inning.

6:57 Middle of 3rd, 1-1.

7:01 Lead off double for Julio Lugo and he's sacrificed over to third by Pedroia.
7:03 Fox does a stupid little "Papa Loves Mambo," Perry Como ditty as Papi comes back up after Sabathia walks Youkilis on four pitches.
7:05 Sabathia is losing it. He just hit Papi. The idiot Boston fans boo as though Sabathia did it on purpose. Have I mentioned how annoying Red Sox fans are?
7:06 I'm perturbed. Its like every other pitch, Sabathia is unhittable. But the next pitch he's wildly out of control. We need a strikeout or a double play grounder right here.
7:08 Mrs. Sizemore walks in and immediately starts talking trash. I don't feel good about this at all.
7:09 Fucking Shit. He starts off 0-2, and then four straight balls to walk in a run. What the hell is wrong with Sabathia in the playoffs this year? At least I added another BB+K to the over total. We're at 5 for C.C.
7:09 I walk in, and am convinced that my Sawx cap is good for the team. Boston has recovered a run, sorry about your lead, Cleveland. Someone isn't wearing their Indians cap, and it's obviously disrupting the team's chi. Manny's up. C.C. throws some pitches that make me wonder if he's had too many cheeseburgers this week, and Boston pulls ahead.
7:11 Well, Sabathia might not hit that over after all for me. He's getting knocked around like he's married to Bobby Brown.
7:15 Finally out of it. Not good.

7:16 End of the 3rd, 5-1 Red Sox.

7:20 I feel like I'm going to throw up. Chinese food will help, right?
7:21 Red Sox Idiots (fans) groan as Beckett throws a two strike pitch a foot outside. You think that's a strike? Wow. Dumb.
7:21 Another K for Beckett. Beautiful, just beautiful. Cleveland, are you enjoying your visit to lovely Fenway Park? (Cap refers to Fenway as a dump. Blasphemy.)
7:22 They interject with more Manager of the Year talk. They say that Wedge gets the edge over Francona because he did it with 1/3 of the payroll. Good point.
7:25 I'm losing my mind. Another K. This time Pronk.

7:26 Middle of 4th, 5-1 Red Sox.

7:30 Mrs. Sizemore buys me Chinese food as a consolation prize for our suckitude tonight.
7:32 Three quick outs for C.C. for a change. No K-BB though, we're stuck on 6 for the Captain.

7:33 End of 4, 5-1 Red Sox.

7:35 Ryan Garko, the Tribe record holder for "Hit by Pitch" in a season, gets plunked by Beckett.
7:36 Joe Buck says, "For the first time tonight the Indians have their leadoff man aboard. Let's see what they can do with it."
7:37 Fucking Assbag. GIDP.
7:38 Two out double for Lofton. The only Indian with two good swings.
7:38 Stephen King is a Red Sox fan. It's October. Are you scared yet, Cap? (If not, take another look at the scoreboard.)
7:41 Joe Buck redeems himself as he cracks on TBS for the Frank TV commercials. "I don't know if you heard, but Frank Caliendo has a new TV show." HA.

7:44 Middle of 5th, 5-1 Red Sox.

7:46 Cap makes a violent gesture in my direction. A Red Sox fan wouldn't do that.
7:52 I hit the over as C.C. gives up a single and two walks to start the 5th. This is terrible. C.C. is not the ace of this staff. That would be Carmona.
7:53 I'm calling it now. Sox in less than 6. I don't care if your pitchers make dealings with Satan.
7:54 Cap apparently felt it necessary to hunt down his Indians cap. It's obviously not doing any good, because the score is now 7-1.
7:55 This game is over. Two run double by Bobby Kielty. Some fucking Cy Young candidate.
7:57 There's a Levitra commercial on. I'm not going to say that Cleveland could use a little bit of help...oh wait, yes I am.
8:03 Sabaconpants, where did you go? I don't have a funny nickname for Lewis.
8:05 For those that haven't noticed yet, I allowed Mrs. Sizemore to interject her comments in italics. She may be finishing this live blog alone as I'm about to puke. I honestly feel almost as nauseous as when Florida ran up the score on the Buckeyes last January.

8:06 End of the 5th, 8-1 Red Sox.

8:08 "Cleveland is still trying to figure out Josh Beckett" They're not going to figure him out because they're swinging the bats like a bunch of minor leaguers.
8:10 Grady Sizemore is up. He would be so much more attractive in a Red Sox uniform.
8:12 Chinese food arrives. Cap stops watching the game and the Indians score.
8:16 "Cleveland Rocks" is playing as they cut away to commerical. How about Cleveland is getting rocked? Isn't there a song with the lyrics, "C.C. Sabathia just crapped his pants?"

8:16 Middle of 6th, 8-2 Red Sox.

8:22 "I'm going to bring this up because we need something to talk about..." Buck makes me laugh and Cap starts yelling. Buck postures that we don't even know how big of a lead Boston is going to run in this game. Seriously? Is this NESN? Nope, still Fox. I'm a Sox fan and I think that's biased.
8:26 Extended coverage of us getting fucked in the ass.
8:28 Looks like Sabaconpants might have a chance to redeem himself in Cleveland. Extra day of rest. Y'all could use that.
8:29 The following exchange occurs:
Pussy.
Did you just call Manny Ramirez a pussy?
I sure did. No grand slams in the postseason. He's a pussy.
How many grand slams do you have in the postseason?
Same as Manny.
8:32 Cap needs to remember that oh-so-classic line: "There's no crying in baseball."
8:35 Chris Meyers is giving a report in front of the Sox dugout which leads me to the following thoughts:
1. Look at the Red Sox fans giggling behind him. They're acting like they know they're on camera, but they want to look like they don't know they're on camera. Morons. Red Sox fans drive me nuts. Would I still be so annoyed with hem if we were winning? Me thinks yes.
2. Our country was kinda founded up in the Northeast, right? So why the heck is it that people from up there talk like a bunch of construction workers with 3rd grade educations? Did Washington and Jefferson sound like idiots too? I suppose they sounded like Brits, huh?
3. Man do we suck tonight.

End of 6, 10-2 Red Sox.

8:45 Ryan Garko hits a lazy pop fly behind short and the wind blows the ball all the way to center field. Base hit. Should be an error because Lugo and Ramirez are MORONS. They just watched it go and made little effort to get there. Granted, a 10-2 lead will give you that option I suppose. Manny being Manny.
8:45 That was a joke. Is this little league again? Is Manny a 6-year-old who hasn't yet realized that he's supposed to catch the ball instead of just watch it go up and down? We might be ahead, but that's lazy.
8:48 Joe and Tim have spent the better part of the last two innings arguing about whether or not to bring Beckett (and/or Sabathia) on short rest to pitch game 4. I guess in a blowout you kinda have to pick fights with each other to have something to talk about. Under no circumstances would you bring Beckett back if you're up in the series. Also, why would you want Sabathia to pitch again after his last two performances?

8:52 Middle of 7, 10-2.

9:04 I'm finished for the night. Time to get drunk and forget about the Cheeseburger. Parting thought for Eric Wedge while I'm on my soapbox. It was obvious C.C. didn't have it, why even bring him out to start the 4th after he got pounded in the 3rd? Isn't that why Cliff Lee and Aaron Laffey are on the roster? Stop the bleeding and not waste the bullpen? I'm not saying we were going to win this one, or even that Lee and Laffey wouldn't have gotten pounded too. I'm just looking ahead to tomorrow in case its a close game and we need Lewis and Mastny again.

Good night everyone. Let's get pissed.