Top Five Fridays: My favorite ballplayers

In an attempt to post more regularly, I'm trying out a new feature called Top Five Fridays. It was going to be Top Ten Tuesdays, but that would be too much work and let's be honest here....too much work is why I've gone long stretches with no posts in the past. I'm going to use Top Five Fridays to list some of my favorite things, such as, Top 5 Ways to Annoy a Michigan Fan or Top 5 Most Overrated Athletes (cough cough, Brett Favre, cough cough)..... Have no fear, we'll get to both those topics in good time. At the end there will also be a section for those that just missed the cut. Finally, I need to give a little "Thank you" to Mrs. Sizemore for the pretty logo.

In honor of opening day in baseball finally arriving, today's topic is:

Top 5 Favorite Baseball Players of My Lifetime

1. Kenny Lofton

Lofton will forever be number one in my eyes. He was Spiderman in the outfield climbing the walls of Jacobs' Field to take home runs and extra bases away from opposing teams. He slapped ground balls through the holes, dropped down precision bunts, roped liners to the gaps, and would swipe a base at any moment. I'll never forget the 1995 ALCS when he scored from second base on a passed ball against the Seattle Mariners. He went from first to third better than anyone and during the mid-90s was the most feared leadoff man in the game. When Kenny finally made his way back to the shores of Lake Erie for the playoff run in 2007, I went out and bought myself a jersey. I wish I'd had it all along, and even though he probably won't play for Cleveland again, I figure this jersey will stand the test of time with Tribe fans.

2. Omar Vizquel

If you ask me, there is only one shortstop that can even hold a candle to Omar, and that's Ozzie Smith. However, I'll take Omar every day of the week and a doubleheader on Sunday. Sure, the Wizard of Oz was more flashy and had slightly better range. But Little O was a throwback during the era of the power hitting shortstop. He won ELEVEN Gold Gloves and was robbed of a couple more. He was a better hitter than Ozzie. And best of all, he always made the most difficult plays in baseball look routine.

3. Mark McGwire

Steriods or no steriods and Congressional hearing testimony aside, I still love Big Mac. I thought he was the greatest when I was a kid even through he played way out West for the Oakland Athletics. He was the only Starting Lineup figure I ever had. I defended him tooth and nail throughout his career saying that he would have had a shot at the career home run record if not for all the injuries and I still believe that to this day. And during the summer of '98, I watched almost every time he swung his bat. My Tribe was playoff bound that year and I swear I watched more Cardinals' baseball that year than Indians'....no doubt about it. Bob Costas once said that McGwire didn't just hit home runs, he hit "gravity defying moon shots." Do you remember where you were when he hit #62? I do.

4. Roberto Alomar

Okay, another Indian, I know. However, Robbie was only in Cleveland from 1999-2001 and wasn't on either of the World Series teams. I was very anti-Alomar after his famous spitting on the umpire incident. Despite him being the best second baseman in the league, I didn't want him playing for my Tribe. But watching he and Vizquel up the middle for three seasons was magical.

He was also excellent with the bat in his hands. I once heard Peter Gammons tell a tale about Alomar's batting practice habits. During BP, Robbie used to bunt the ball so that it will intentionally go just barely foul. The reason, Alomar said, was so that he could bunt a first pitch foul and see how the defense was going to react to the bunt.

Who else would practice things like that?

5. Greg Maddux

I'm supposed to dislike this guy since he helped the Braves topple the Tribe in the '95 World Series. However, I've always had a tremendous amount of respect for him. How could I not? Maddux looked like a regular Joe Schmoe off the street with skinny frame and his stupid reading glasses that he wore in the dugout between innings. He dominated big league hitters for a long time without ever having an over-powering fastball. Very impressive if you ask me. He was also the single greatest pitcher at fielding his position in history....seventeen Gold Gloves.

"Juuuuust a bit outside. He tried the corner and missed."

Jim Edmonds - A Pi Kappa Phi from Cal State - Fullerton....AND one of the better center fielders of the modern era.
Julio Franco - He'll turn 50 this year, and he' still playing ball. Wow.

Jim Thome - Unlike most Indians fans, I don't blame him for leaving and I'll never boo this man even though he's in a White Sox uniform. Wouldn't do it even he was in a Red Sox or Yankees uniform either. Class act all around.

Mark Prior - My first Cubs game at Wrigley Field was a seat in the bleachers during Prior's first start in the big leagues against the Pirates, so there will always be some man love for him. Now, my Cubs jersey of #22 is pretty much worthless, so that's annoying, but I still hope he is able to overcome the injuries and make it back to the bigs.

Sandy Alomar, Jr. - Big brother of Robbie, he was the first player in MLB history to be MVP of an All-Star Game played in his home ballpark. Little trivia for ya.

Grady Sizemore - Only 25 years old and one of the most feared leadoff hitters in the game as well as a classic five tool player, by career's end, he could make his way into the Top 5. And Mrs. Sizemore won't shut up about how hot she thinks he is. There might be hope for turning her into a Tribe fan yet.

Cal Ripken, Jr. - I was never a big fan of Cal's, but I always respected the tremendous talent he had and the way he played the game.

Tony Gwynn - Simply put: the best hitter I've ever seen in person.

Top Five Fridays: Sports Logos

This is my regular feature called Top Five Fridays. Here I'll list some of my favorite things like, Top 5 Ways to Annoy a Michigan Fan or Top 5 Most Overrated Athletes (cough cough, Brett Favre, cough cough)..... Have no fear, we'll get to both those topics in good time. At the end there will also be a section for those that just missed the cut.

This week I’m going to change things up a little bit. No long stories, no my favorites lists... I'd like to encourage everyone to chime in with their opinions in the comments. Frankly, you can always do that with these Top 5's, but this one might make it a little easier. I’ll be perfectly honest, writing a list like this pains me a little bit as there isn’t a single team from my childhood on it, but I’m trying to be a realist here. So with out further Freddy Adu, here it is!

Top 5 Most Recognizable Logos in American Sports

If someone were to create a survey with the logos of every sports team in America (and just the logo, no city or team name in them) and take this survey out to the streets, I believe that more people would recognize the teams on this list than any others.

1. Chicago Bulls

You can thank Michael Jordan. In fact, if we were to send this survey out to the streets across the entire globe, the Bulls would likely be number one by a landslide. What MJ did for the global market economy was unprecedented. Tiger Woods is recreating it and LeBron James could get to that level with a couple titles (or six,) but is was "His Airness" that brought sports marketing, and specifically athlete endorsements, to the level they are. Woods and James are merely riding the coattails of what Jordan created. An image. And with that image, he turned the Chicago Bulls into a global brand. That brand is as recognizable as McDonald’s, Nike, and Gatorade. In fact, one could argue that the popularity of THOSE brands was in large part because of Michael. Despite the gambling scandal, the multiple retirements, the indiscretion in his marriage, and the image tarnishing return with the Wizards, he is still the most popular athlete on earth.

2. New York Yankees
Quite possibly the most polarizing sports entity in American culture, the interlocking NY was created by Tiffany & Co. in 1877. The franchise began using it as their insignia in 1909 when they were still known as the New York Highlanders. In 1911 the old Polo Grounds burned down and after moving into the new Polo Grounds located near the Harlem River, the name "Highlanders" no longer made sense. The New York media had already been casually referring to the team as the Yankees in recent years, so in 1913 it became official.

3. Dallas Cowboys

The Cowboys were one of the last teams to join the NFL before the merger in 1970. They began play in 1960 and their first coach, Tom Landry, quickly built a competitive team. He ended up being their only coach until he was fired in 1989. The Cowboys hare the most valuable franchise in sports according to a 2007 article on Forbes Magazine's website as they are by far the most successful NFL team of the modern era and have been nicknamed "America's Team." The Cowboys are tied with the Steelers and 49ers for the most Super Bowl victories with five and hold NFL records for most winning seasons, most postseason appearances, most postseason games, most 10-win seasons and most Super Bowl appearances...among other things.

4. Michigan Wolverines
The block “M” might not have made it on it's own, but if you put a picture of the winged football helmet on there, I think you’d have something. Most Michigan fans would have you believe they were the first to create this logo, but it was actually a man named Fritz Crisler who first put it on the Princeton helmets to help quarterbacks more easily identify their wide receivers down field. Crisler was then hired as the head coach at Michigan and he brought the winged helmet with him in 1938.

5. Detroit Red Wings
I’m not sure the Communist Tire With Wings should make the list, but I’m squeezing them in at number five just because I can, it's my list. They might not even make the top 20 in some people's opinions because the NHL has really taken a back seat in this country to "The Big Three." However, I feel we have enough Northern European and former Soviet block immigrants in this country to put them on the board.

"Juuuuust a bit outside. He tried the corner and missed."

Chicago Cubs – The Lovable Losers have WGN’s reach as the catalyst for the nation’s obsession with the Cubbies. 100 years of futility and yet they have more bandwagon fans than any team in the country.
Boston Red Sox – Still 20-something odd titles behind the Yankees, their nationwide bandwagon fans in the past five years have made them almost as polarizing a force in American sports as their hated rival. A few more years of this and they could be in the Top 5, and Mrs. Sizemore could end up buried in a ditch. I kid, I kid. Also, she is not one of those bandwagon fans, but even she would have to admit that there are a ton of them out there.
Los Angeles Lakers – One of the two greatest dynasty’s in NBA history, they seem to always have one of those “it guys” to keep them socially relevant even when they are having a down year.
Boston Celtics – The single greatest dynasty in NBA history with a record 16 titles, they were starting to slip into obscurity until this season when "The Boston Three Party" resurrected them.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish – Twenty years ago they might have been at the top, but they haven’t won a national title since 1988, a bowl game since 1994 and haven't had a Heisman trophy winner since 1987. However, their NBC contract and ESPN’s obsession with them have kept them in the conversation.
Green Bay Packers – Lombardi put the Pack on the map and then they laid dormant for years until Brett Favre help resurrect the franchise. Now there is no mistaking the Packer “G” with the Georgia Bulldogs, the Grambling Tigers, or anyone else.
St. Louis Cardinals – They are number two behind the Yankees all-time in World Series titles, but have slipped behind the Cubs and Red Sox in terms of national appeal. A recent World Series title and Big Mac’s home run chase got them in the conversation, but overall they’ve been missing something since the mid-80s.

Top Five Fridays: Hispanic Athletes

This is my regular feature called Top Five Fridays. Here I'll list some of my favorite things like, Top 5 Ways to Annoy a Michigan Fan or Top 5 Most Overrated Athletes (cough cough, Brett Favre, cough cough)..... Have no fear, we'll get to both those topics in good time. At the end there will also be a section for those that just missed the cut.

This past Monday was Cinco de Mayo. For those that think the 5th of May is Mexican Independence Day, you would be wrong. That is a common misconception amongst Americans as the actual day is September 16th. Cinco de Mayo is more a regional holiday in the state of Puebla celebrating the victory over the French in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. It is celebrated throughout much of the world as a day of pride for Mexican heritage.

This year Mrs. Sizemore, her cousin (Giggles,) Giggles' boyfriend (Gabe) and O-face came over to our house for some Cinco de Drinko and we ate homemade tacos and drank way too many Coronas and margaritas for a Monday night. Mrs. Sizemore is an excellent cook. If you haven't been to her cooking blog, check it out. There will be recipes from the evening up soon...or so she says.

Anyways, in honor of Cinco de Mayo, today I present you with my...

Top 5 Favorite Hispanic Athletes to Watch

Note: I promise there will be a non-Top Five Fridays post soon, I've just been too busy.

1. Omar Vizquel
Surprised? Didn't think so.

The best all-around shortstop of all time. I know that's bold, but I'm throwing it out there.

There have certainly been better hitters at the position; Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Miguel Tejada in his era alone. Still, his .274 career average, better than average speed, ability to bunt and move runners along and his lack of strikeouts make him well above the median for the position over baseball's history. Of the top defensive shortstops already in the Hall of Fame, only Luis Aparicio and Pee Wee Reese were better hitters. Phil Rizzuto would be in the conversation.

Only one shortstop really compares defensively, and that's Ozzie Smith. The Wizard had a slightly better range and more speed, but I'll take Omar's glove and arm. Most people would take Ozzie, but I'll take Omar if for nothing else than how fun it was to watch him in Cleveland. Bare handed plays, diving stops in the hole, leaping over sliding base runners to turn a double play, flipping the ball with his glove...and he made it all look so incredibly easy.

On top of that, he is the single biggest reason my sister starting watching baseball. I'll take it. All I could find was this highlight video from his last couple season in San Francisco. It doesn't do him justice.



2. Cuauhtémoc Blanco
It's rare for me to hate an athlete this much. Derek Jeter. Isiah Thomas. Tim Biakabutuka. Really hated him. I always thought of him as a dive artist, worst than the Italian and Portuguese national teams combined. I thought he was such a showboat every time he scored against the United States. Notice the past tense though. He signed with the Chicago Fire in the spring of 2007 and upon his arrival I immediately saw why he is a folk hero to the Mexican people. Blanco is one of those guys that you hate to play against, but when he's on your team you love him.

His famous move, the "Cuauhtémiña" (otherwise known as the Blanco Bounce) is goofy, but fun to watch. His skill on the ball leaves you holding your breath thinking that something brilliant could happen at any moment. His celebratory pose of prehistoric ruler Tlatoani Cuauhtémoc after goals is ridiculous, but crowd pleasing. Mrs. Sizemore even gave the iconic Aztec warrior pose to a group of Mexicans wearing Blanco jerseys during the Chicago Marathon last year. I'm sure they were confused why a silly white girl loved Blanco, but its not hard to figure out if you watch him play for the Fire. And as for the diving, well, he doesn't dive as much as I thought he did. Sure, he exaggerates a ton when he goes to the ground, but he absolutely gets fouled more than any soccer player I've ever seen. He has an uncanny ability to shift his body at the last second to get between the defender and the ball and usually gets hammered as a result.


3. Cristiano Ronaldo
Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro could have easily been in the number one spot, but I just couldn't stick him there having never seen him play in person. Just 23 years old, he is already considered by many to be the most dangerous attacker in the world. As it turns out, "Ronaldo" is a relatively rare name in Portugal. His father named him after Ronald Reagan. After reading bit of trivia, I immediately decided that Ronaldo is my third favorite footballer after Ryan Giggs and Brian McBride.

This video should put his brilliance into perspective for you. It doesn't even include some of the simply ridiculous goals he's put in during the current season.


4. Anthony Gonzalez
Sure, there are more accomplished Hispanic athletes out there. There are certainly even guys out there that I would pay more money to watch. But Gonzo was a Buckeye and the season that he and Ted Ginn, Jr. put together with Troy Smith as the Heisman winning quarterback was my favorite to watch. It all came to a crashing halt in the BCS title match with Florida, but for 12 weeks in the fall of 2006, I was on the edge of my seat expecting something brilliant with every snap. He's a hard worker, great route runner and has very deceptive speed. By deceptive, I mean that you wouldn't think it by looking at him, but he can flat out fly.

It all started in the 2005 Michigan game when Gonzalez made the miraculous catch after the mad scramble by Smith on the final drive. It carried over into 2006 when most opponents decided to focus more of their attention on the track star, Ginn. A-Gone made them pay for it and parlayed his success into a first round draft pick with the Indianapolis Colts. With Marvin Harrison getting older and his questionable personal decisions putting him into the law's eye, Gonzalez could be the guy that steps into a huge role receiving passes from Peyton Manning. Meanwhile, Ginn is with the fledgling Dolphins and Smith is with a pathetic Ravens offense and not even being given a chance to show what he's capable of. Looks like the second half of the 7-Eleven duo is the one who will remain "always open."

In fact, because he's a Buckeye, here are two videos:




5. Manny Ramirez
Simply put, Manny Ramirez is the best all-around hitter the game of baseball has seen since Ted Williams. Power, average, patience, driving the ball to the opposite field, runners in scoring position, game on the line, regular season or playoffs....all of it. It was a sad day in Cleveland when he left for the Boston Red Sox as a free agent in 2000. It was probably the first real step of the eventual rebuilding project that would begin in 2002. We ad a good idea that he would bolt when his contract was up, but everyone thought it would be for the New York Yankees, his hometown team.

By now, you've all heard the expression, "Manny being Manny." Ramirez makes some pretty bone-headed plays in the outfield and while running the bases. He's aloof. But whatever it is that causes these mental lapses, attention deficit disorder or just plain stupidity, it's also what makes him such a great hitter. That is, at least, if you ask me.

I feel like when Manny is at the plate, he's so ADD that he completely forgets what he did yesterday. He forgets about his last at bat. I'm sure he probably doesn't even remember what the last pitch was half the time. See ball. Hit ball. It's that simple. Sure, he has a tremendous swing and I'm positive that he spends plenty of time in the batting cages. But in "clutch" situations, he isn't thinking about how the pitcher is approaching him at the plate, he's just seeing a pitch and trying to drive it.

And because he left the Tribe for greener pastures, and by green I mean a crap load of money, he doesn't get a video. My apologies to Mrs. Sizemore and all you silly Sawx fans. Just be glad one of your boys made my list.

"Juuuuust a bit outside. He tried the corner and missed."

Pedro Martinez - Before Ronaldo and Blanco came into my life, Pedro would have been on there. My two favorite Pedro quotes of all time are the following:

"I don't believe in damn curses. Wake up the damn Bambino and have me face him. Maybe I'll drill him in the ass..."

"They beat me. They're that good right now. They're that hot. I just tip my hat and call the Yankees my daddy."

Roberto Alomar - See my Top 5 Favorite Cleveland Indians post for an explanation.
Oscar De La Hoya - I'm not a huge boxing fan, but this guy is the poo. Not only is he one of the greatest non-heavyweight fighters of all time, but he is a 25% owner of the Houston Dynamo of MLS. Also, according to his website, he is NOT the uncle of Daisy De La Hoya from VH1's Rock of Love 2 with Bret Michaels.

Top Five Fridays: The Chicago Bulls

This is my regular feature called Top Five Fridays. Here I'll list some of my favorite things like, Top 5 Ways to Annoy a Michigan Fan or Top 5 Most Overrated Athletes (cough cough, Brett Favre, cough cough)..... Have no fear, we'll get to both those topics in good time. At the end there will also be a section for those that just missed the cut.

In honor of the Chicago Bulls being mathematically elimated from the playoff picture, today we'll be going with:

Top 5 Favorite Chicago Bulls of the Post-Jordan Era

This was a tough one since I worked for the Bullskis for 2 1/2 years, but I think I've found a good mix of players I genuinely cared about and some funny stories for you!

1. Tyson Chandler
Ty wins the prize for two reasons:

a. When the Bulls traded Elton Brand for his rights on draft day, the sales staff was given this line to tell fans who were pissed off about the move. "Tyson Chandler runs like a gazelle."

b. When Michael Jordan came out of retirement, again, and arrived with his Washington Wizards to play in what would be his last ever game in the United Center, I took one of my college roommates, Hacksaw, and my ex-girlfriend from college, who we will refer to as Mrs. Miami from this point forward. Bear in mind that this girl once called to ask if Florida State was the same school at the Gators. So...after the Bulls botched a fast break when a pass hit Tyson Chandlerin the hands and he fumbled it out of bounds the conversation sounded something like this:

Hacksaw: Chandler sucks.

Cap: Yeah, but he's been a lot better lately. Give him time.

Mrs. Miami: I don't think Chandler has had a good season at all.

(She is sitting between us and at this point we both lean forward and stare at her with a "whaaaaa?" expression.)

Mrs. Miami: (slouching in her chair in embarassment) We're not talking about Chandler from Friends are we?

You simply can't make stuff like this up folks.

2. Donyell Marshall

In my humble opinion, he was one of the classiest guys to ever pull on a Bulls' uniform. He was always the first one at practice and the last to leave. He showed up for a bowling event with our sponsors an hour before any other player simply to practice bowling and sign autographs for the kids in the after school league. He was one of very few players to show up at the company Holiday Party, and he even brought his entire family with him. I was sad to see him go. This was a guy who understood what being a professional athlete was all about. And during his prime he could drain an open jumper with the best of them.

3. Jalen Rose
One of my favorite memories from my time with the Bulls front office is "The Jalen Rose Expression." It didn't matter the situation: Needed to get the crowd pumped up, just hit a big shot, chucked up a prayer that missed and thought he got fouled, didn't know what Coach Cartwright said because you couldn't hear him over the crickets in the United Center (okay, that was a dig in very poor taste at Coach...sorry.) Either way, it always looked the same to me. Couldn't find the picture in a Bulls' uniform, but here it is with the Raptors. I hear that Kirk Hinrich has been doing a good impression of it this season.

4. Andres Nocioni
Okay, look; when Nocioni first came over from Argentina I was borderline obsessed with the guy. The Bulls finally had a guy who gave it his all during every second he spent on the floor. He was pretty good too, although now he's developed a bit of an ego and his act is wearing a little thin. Either way, he inspired this song that I heard on my favorite Sports Radio show, "Mac, Jurko and Harry."

http://stations.espn.go.com/stations/espnradio1000/sectional?id=mjhparody

5. Adrian Griffin
This thought by Harry Teinowitz on ESPN Radio clinched it: "Adrian Griffin is the most versatile player on the Bulls roster. He'll brick shots from anywhere on the court. He's not picky at all about where he misses from."


"Juuuuust a bit outside. He tried the corner and missed."

Ron Artest - This is more because of his starring role in The Melee at the Palace than anything he did in Chicago.
Kirk Hinrich - After being told to go away when he was trying way too hard to hit on my friend's roommate, he once busted out the classic famous person line, "Do you know who I am?"
Marcus Fizer - I love the giant question mark tattoo on the neck symbolizing how he questioned his faith after a childhood friend was killed. Nice story, but by "I love it," I really mean, "that looks dumb."
Corie Blount - Blunt? Are you serious? That's your name? And you're sticking to that?
Bryce Drew - I knew I should have gone to some small school and played basketball just so I could hit a prayer during March Madness to clinch a first round upset and parlay that into an NBA contract that I didn't deserve.
Jay Williams - "Messed around and got a triple double" his rookie year on J-Kidd and looked to be headed in the right direction before the motorcycle accident.
Dalibor Bagaric - What was this guy doing in the NBA? No. Seriously.
Linton Johnson III - Signs that your team sucks: 1. An NBDL guy signs a 10-day contract and not only makes the team, but starts 20 games that season

Top Five Fridays: Hockey Goalies

This is my regular feature called Top Five Fridays. Here I'll list some of my favorite things like, Top 5 Ways to Annoy a Michigan Fan or Top 5 Most Overrated Athletes (cough cough, Brett Favre, cough cough)..... Have no fear, we'll get to both those topics in good time. At the end there will also be a section for those that just missed the cut.

The Stanley Cup Finals ended last week, not that many of you noticed. The Detroit Red Wings closed out the Pittsburgh Penguins in six games after failing to finish them in the fifth game, which happened to be on home ice. For those that missed that gem, and I missed the majority of regulation, this is the reason that hockey is so great. Anyone who caught the final five minutes of regulation and the three overtimes couldn’t have possibly walked away not wanting to watch game six. The Penguins led early 2-0, lost the lead, and then scored with 34 seconds left to tie the game at three and send it into overtime. Two and a half exhilarating periods later, the Pens finally put the puck in the net to force a game six back at the Igloo. Unfortunately, they couldn’t keep it alive again despite a heart stopping final few seconds that almost saw them push that game in overtime as well.

Now I’ll get off my hockey high horse and onto the topic of this post. This week saw several retirements in the sports world; Michael Strahan (NFL - New York Giants,) Marcus Robinson (NFL - Chicago Bears,) Jonathan Ogden (NFL - Baltimore Ravens,) Trevor Linden (NHL - Vancouver Canucks,) Bret Boone (MLB - Washington Nationals,) as well as announcement of Sammy Sosa's retirement after the World Baseball Classic in 2009 and the speculation of former Atlanta Braves aces Tom Gavine, Greg Maddux, and John Smoltz all retiring together at season's end so they could enter the Hall of Fame on the same ticket. None of these were extremely shocking news, and none of them affected any of my teams.

Another one that didn’t effect my teams, but had significance to me personally was that of Detroit’s goalie (who didn’t play a minute in the finals mind you) Dominik Hašek. The Dominator is by far my favorite non-St. Louis Blues player. In fact, during my childhood I was more of a Buffalo Sabres fan than a Blues fan and Dom was it for me. Then he got traded to Detroit and I had to root against him at all costs. My loyalty to the great state of Ohio and my anti-communist political beliefs come first.

I think he will be remembered best for the breath-taking saves he made during his tenure with Buffalo. Although he never won a Stanley Cup there, but took hom two in Detroit, he did single handedly take the seventh seeded Sabres to a Finals appearance in 1999. In overtime of the sixth and deciding game the referees and replay officials robbed Buffalo of their chance at glory when the Dallas Stars’ Brett Hull scored the winning goal with his skate in the crease. Along with the Bills losing four consecutive Super Bowls, this game helped push Buffalo to second on the list of most heartbroken sports cities in America behind Cleveland. In honor of The Dominator’s retirement, I now present you with the…

Top 5 Hockey Goaltenders of My Lifetime

1. Dominik Hašek

I’m very likely to take some flack for my selection here, but I’m extremely biased and this is my list. Sue me. He finished his career with two Stanley Cup titles, six Vezina Trophies (Top NHL Goaltender,) two Hart Trophies (NHL MVP,) and one Olympic Gold medal. All of those awards, in my mind, add up to a dead heat with the number two goalie on my list. Aside from pure bias, there was one other thing that separated him in my opinion. When the Dominator was at the peak of his career he was playing for the small-market Buffalo Sabres. They never had the star quality players surrounding him that the other goalies on this list had and yet, he was still able to get his team in the playoffs almost every season and within an eyelash of tasting Lord Stanley’s coffee. MasterCard also featured him in one of my favorite sports related commercials highlighting his unorthodox style and slinky-like spine. He is considered a flopper by most hockey experts as he has a tendency to drop to his knees and use his flexibility to cover the entire net using every body part he can to stop the puck. For me, he was worth the price of admission.

2. Patrick Roy
Aside from my love for pissing Gene Honda off by pronouncing his name like a dumb American instead of the correction way (W-AH,) I also appreciate Roy for being the greatest butterfly style goalie of all time. He only won three Vezina Trophies and never won the Hart, but he did become the youngest player to ever win the Conn Smythe (Playoff MVP) when he won his first Stanley Cup title with the Montreal Canadians in 1986. He went on to win another title with Montreal and two more with the Colorado Avalanche. Among others, he also holds NHL records for most games played by a goaltender (509,) most NHL Regular season wins (551,) most playoff wins by a goaltender (151) and most Conn Smythe wins (3.)

3. Vladislav Tretiak
It was a tough choice to place Tretiak on this list considering he never played in the NHL and he retired in 1984 when I was five years old, but it wouldn’t be a complete list without him either. He won three goal medals with the Soviet Union and would have won a fourth had it not been for the “Miracle on Ice” in 1980 when he took home silver. After surrendering two first period goals he was benched and the rest, as they say, is history. Despite being drafted to play in the NHL by Montreal, he was not allowed to leave the country while under Soviet rule and instead retired early at the age of 32. He is one of very few members of the Hall of Fame that never played in a North American league. However, in fourteen seasons in the Soviet league he won thirteen titles. Since the Soviet block fell, he has served as a goal tending coach and consultant right here in Chicago with the Blackhawks. During his time with the Hawks he has coached Ed Belfour, Dominik Hašek, Jocelyn Thibault, and Martin Brodeur. While portraying USA head coach Herb Brooks in the movie “Miracle,” Kurt Russell is quoted as saying, “If you score on Tretiak, keep the puck. It doesn’t happen often.”

4. Martin Brodeur
This guy has had a phenomenal career and if you talked to anyone from New Jersey, they would have you believe that Marty belongs at the top of the list. However, as was the case with the Colorado Avalanche at the peak of Patrick Roy’s career, Brodeur always had the benefit of tremendous blue-liners in front of him. His New Jersey Devils were so good at their style of neutral-zone trapping that they single handedly caused the NHL to change several rules to create more scoring. Nobody benefited more from the old rules than Brodeur, who is second on the all time list for wins and shutouts. He has spent his entire 15-year career with the Devils, only missing the playoffs once. After sitting on the bench during the 1998 Olympics and watching Patrick Roy lead Canada to Bronze, he was the starter in Salt Lake City (2002) and led them to Gold. It was just announced today that Marty won his fourth Vezina Trophy and he also has several NHL records to his credit. Among his other achievements, he is also the only goalie in NHL history to score a game-winning goal.

5. Tony Esposito
Like Tretiak, it was a tough call placing Esposito on this list considering he retired in 1985 and I was only born in 1979. Also like Tretiak, it wouldn’t be a complete list without him. He didn’t play much with the Montreal Canadians, but won a Stanley Cup there in 1969 before being left unprotected and taken by the Chicago Blackhawks off waivers. It was with the Hawks that he won the Calder Trophy for rookie of the year in 1970 and eventually three Vezina Trophies. He is also considered one of the pioneers of the butterfly style, the most common goal tending style in the NHL today. He is one of just eight goaltenders to ever with the Vezina Trophy catching right handed and is credited with the first ever victory against the Soviet Union while playing for Team Canada in 1972.


“Juuuuust a bit outside. He tried the corner and missed.”

Grant Fuhr – Five Stanley Cup titles with the Edmonton Oilers and one Vezina Trophy, Wayne Gretzky has often been quoted as saying that Fuhr was the single greatest goalie of all time. Born of biracial parents, he became the first black Hall of Famer although the focus on his race took away some of the luster from his induction ceremony.
Ed Belfour – Won the Vezina twice with the Chicago Blackhawks and took them to the Stanley Cup finals only to lose to Mario Lemieux’s Penguins in 1992. He finally won the Stanley Cup when the Dallas Stars and referees cheated in 1999 and also took home gold with Canada in 2002.
Mike Richter – He played fourteen seasons with the New York Rangers and is considered one of the best American-born goaltenders in NHL history. Won a Stanley Cup in 1994 and a silver medal while backstopping the United States in the 2002 Olympics.
Curtis Joseph – A solid goalie for the better part of eighteen NHL seasons, Cujo also won gold with Team Canada in 2002. He gets mentioned mostly for his six fantastic seasons in St. Louis, but also because it was at this point in his career where Mrs. Miami and friends used to stalk him while they were still in high school.

Top Five Fridays: Worst Browns Draft Picks

This is my regular feature called Top Five Fridays. Here I'll list some of my favorite things like, Top 5 Ways to Annoy a Michigan Fan or Top 5 Most Overrated Athletes (cough cough, Brett Favre, cough cough)..... Have no fear, we'll get to both those topics in good time. At the end there will also be a section for those that just missed the cut.

The Cleveland Browns will not be picking in the first few rounds at this year's college-selection process of the National Football League thanks to some trades. This could be a good thing based on our history. Either way, in honor of tomorrow's NFL Draft, today's topic is:

Top 5 Worst Draft Picks by the Cleveland Browns Since Re-Expansion

1. Tim Couch (1st pick, 1999 NFL Draft)
Quarterback, Kentucky
The second this guy showed up at the first Browns' rookie mini-camp there was already sign for concern. As the story goes, Couch had never had a real playbook in either high school or college. Now, I don’t know how true that is, but what little I remember from his college days is that Kentucky was always in a no huddle offense with Couch pointing people in the direction. It looked like he was just making everything up as he went along, so the story could be true.

Tim has since gone down as one of the biggest busts in NFL Draft history and without question the worst draft pick in Cleveland’s storied past, not just the re-expansion era. On a personal note, I was never happy with the selection. Rookie quarterbacks rarely succeed, but when they do, its typically with a veteran laden team that has a solid running game (see: Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh.) I believe Cleveland needed to focus on building an offensive line and a defense that first year. A veteran quarterback should have been handed the reins for a couple of seasons until a solid offense was built. Nothing will destroy a young quarterback quite like being handed a pile of crap to work with.

Here are some notables that were drafted after Couch:
Donovan McNabb (2) – QB, Syracuse
Edgerrin James (4) – RB, Miami (FL)
Ricky Williams (5) – RB, Texas
Torry Holt (6) – WR, NC State
Champ Bailey (7) – CB, Georgia

2. Gerard Warren (3rd pick, 2001 NFL Draft)
Defensive Tackle, Florida
I’m giving the nod to Warren over Courtney Brown for several reasons. We'll get into more of this when we get to number three, but the 2001 draft was not as strong near the top. Many believe the Browns would have been better served by trading down. This would have given them additional picks, something that young and untalented teams need. Obviously it would be easier to make that assessment now, seven years later, but even then there were no “sure things” after Michael Vick went number one overall. And as it turns out, even he is in prison, so nothing was certain. Warren never amounted to anything and, just as his two predecessors, his NFL career was about as long as his college career with much less notoriety.

Here are just a few of the notable first round picks after Warren:
LaDainian Tomlinson (5) – RB, Texas Christian
Richard Seymour (6) – DT, Georgia
Koren Robinson (9) – WR, NC State
Steve Hutchinson (17) – OG, Michigan
Nate Clements (21) – CB, Ohio State
Deuce McAllister (23) – RB, Mississippi
Reggie Wayne (30) – WR, Miami (FL)

3. Courtney Brown (1st pick, 2000 NFL Draft)
Defensive End, Penn State
I could have easily put this as the number two biggest bust, but it was widely regarded that both Courtney Brown and his Penn State teammate, linebacker LaVar Arrington, were "can’t miss" prospects. It was heavily debated which Nittany Lion they would take, but in the end Cleveland listened to the rumors about Arrington’s “character issues” and went with Brown. Often injured and rumored to be very soft in workouts, Brown was awful in Cleveland and eventually was traded to Denver before disappearing completely. Arrington had a very good career, though it was cut short by an injury. He retired in 2007 after rupturing his Achilles tendon in 2006 and then getting into a motorcycle accident the following June.

Notable first round picks:
Chris Samuels (3) – OT, Alabama
Jamal Lewis (5) – RB, Miami (FL)
Plaxico Burress (8) – WR, Michigan State
Brian Urlacher (9) – LB, New Mexico
John Abraham (13) – DE, South Carolina
Chad Pennington (18) – QB, Marshall
Shaun Alexander (19) – RB, Alabama

Another thing that the 2000 draft was known for is the star players taken in the later rounds. Here is a small sample:
Laveranues Coles (78) – WR, Florida State
Dante Hall (153) – WR, Texas A&M
Marc Bulger (168) – QB, West Virginia
Adalius Thomas (186) – LB, Southern Mississippi
Tom Brady (199) – QB, Michigan

4. Willie Green (16th pick, 2002 NFL Draft)
Running Back, Boston College
If character issues were such a big concern for LaVar Arrington, how come the Browns all of a sudden threw caution to the wind during the very next season to get a running back from a weak running back class? Clevelanders were legitimately excited about Willie because he was considered a top 5 prospect that fell specifically because of the aforementioned character problems. His father was a heroin addict that died of AIDS when Willie was 12 and his mother died of the same disease a year later. He had two suspensions in college for marijuana use. One year into his NFL career he was arrested for drunk driving and marijuana possession. While suspended, his wife stabbed him in the back, literally, and upon returning it was announced that a woman other than his wife would be having his child.

Some notable picks after Green:
Javon Walker (20) – WR, Florida State
Ed Reed (24) – SS, Miami (FL)
Lito Sheppard (26) – CB, Florida
LeCharles Bentley (44) – C, Ohio State
Clinton Portis (51) – RB, Miami (FL)

5. Quincy Morgan (33rd pick, 2001 NFL Draft)
Wide Receiver, Kansas State
It’s not that Quincy was a horrible player. It turns out he wasn’t worth his stock, and he’s out of the league now, but by all accounts he had a very good college career and was projected to go at some point in the second round. The reason I have him on this list is because the 2001 draft was deep at wide receiver and there were a handful of Pro Bowlers taken after him, two of which were in the same round and actually projected higher.

Chad Johnson (36) – Oregon State
Chris Chambers (52) – Wisconsin

Chambers is the one that really bothers me because he was born and raised in Cleveland. He was underrated coming out of high school and didn’t get an offer from Ohio State, so he went to Wisconsin. He was underrated again coming out of college and turned into a late second round pick. I was in the same high school graduating year (1997) as Chambers and I went head to head against him in track. Granted it was the 400m, not the 40-yard dash, but Chambers was enormous even then and was easily the fastest human being I’d ever run against.

Other notables that went after Morgan:
Steve Smith (74) – WR, Utah
T.J. Houshmandzadeh (204) – WR, Oregon State


"Juuuuust a bit outside. He tried the corner and missed."

C Jeff Faine (21) – Notre Dame, 2003 – We should have known better than to take any member of the Fighting Irish in the first round.
LB Rahim Abdullah (45) – Clemson, 1999 – He was recently suspended by his team, the Edmonton Eskimos of the CFL, for kneeing an opponent in the neck.
RB Travis Prentice (63) – Miami (OH), 2000 – He held seven NCAA records at the end of his college career, but never did anything in his four NFL seasons.

Top Five Fridays: American Footballers For England

This is my regular feature called Top Five Fridays. Here I'll list some of my favorite things like, Top 5 Ways to Annoy a Michigan Fan or Top 5 Most Overrated Athletes (cough cough, Brett Favre, cough cough)..... Have no fear, we'll get to both those topics in good time. At the end there will also be a section for those that just missed the cut.

The United States Men's National Soccer Team is in the midst of a fairly daunting three game stretch of exhibition matches. In the first match on Wednesday, the Yanks got beat 2-0 in London's Wembley Stadium by England. In a lot of ways, I thought the boys could be ready to play a match of that caliber, but they looked sluggish, unmotivated and frankly, just outclassed for the clear majority of the match. Next week, they will play in Santader against Spain and are likely to get a similar result. They will finish up the tour in East Rutherford, New Jersey against Argentina on Sunday, June 8. You can expect much of the same.

All things considered, I'm glad we're playing these matches. Under the old coach, Bruce Arena, we littered our "friendly" schedule with the likes of Trinidad & Tobago, Costa Rica, Honduras and other CONCACAF opponents that we were used to mopping the floor with in World Cup Qualifying matches. If we did play a European team it was often Sweden, Switzerland, Scotland, Poland, or another team that may or may not have been having a good run of play. What's the sense in playing teams that you know you can beat? Sure, confidence breads success. But the experience of losing these three games will give the boys a challenge and teach them a few things in the process. We often learn more from the mistakes we make and there are sure to be plenty of those in the next two matches just as there were against England. Too bad Landycakes was hurt, he could certainly use some toughening up more than most of the guys.

On with the Top 5. There was an article on soccernet.com the other day leading up to Wednesday's beating about American players that could start for England. Strangely enough, the article was nowhere to be found when I looked for it today (note: sarcasm.) I honestly believe that there are at least three, but the problem is that they all play the same position; goalkeeper. Tim Howard, Kasey Keller, and Brad Friedel. And not necessarily in that order. So that realistically leaves us with one. I mean, just look at the line-up the Three Lions trotted onto the pitch the other day:

GK David James (Portsmouth)
D Ashley Cole (Chelsea)
D Rio Ferdinand (Manchester United)
D John Terry (Chelsea) - captain
D Wes Brown (Manchester United)
M Owen Hargreaves (Manchester United)
M Steven Gerrard (Liverpool)
M Frank Lampard (Chelsea)
M David Beckham (Los Angeles Galaxy)
F Wayne Rooney (Manchester United)
F Jermain Defoe (Portsmouth)

That's sick. That's so sick, it's ill. No American is better than any of those field players. All of that will finally bring me to the topic for this post, and this question: Of all the players that have come through the United States National Team player pool, who most likely have a shot at making the roster for England? Keep in mind, this isn't necessarily a list of the "best" American players. This isn't even a list of guys who have the potential to land them a spot it in the future. And I'm certainly not saying, by any means, that these guys would get called up. I'm just talking about right now, what Americans are most likely to receive consideration by Fabio Capello for spot on the roster for a World Cup match if it were to take place today? With that, I give you the.....

Top 5 American Soccer Players That Might Make England's Roster

1. Tim Howard (Goalkeeper - Everton)
After appearing in over 80 matches for the MetroStars (now the New York Red Bulls,) Timmy got a shot to play in England when Manchester United came calling in 2003. At the time, the Red Devils were weak in the net and Howard quickly stepped in and became the starter one of the richest clubs in the world. He had three up and down seasons at Old Trafford, being named to the Best XI in his first season, but losing and regaining his starting job a couple of times in the two subsequent seasons.

His unconvincing form and the releasing of his two competitors led to Sir Alex Ferguson bringing in the Dutch goalkeeper Edwin van der Sar, a move that I can't in good conscious disagree with. Either way, Howard spouted off to the media and was immediately transferred to Everton, where he has played for the past two seasons. Everton finished fifth in the Premier League this past season and has spent more seasons in the top division in England than any other club. They also have the fourth most top division champions (9) of any team behind Liverpool (18,) Manchester United (17,) and Arsenal (13.)

Once settled at Everton, he regained his form and has impressed even the harshest of American soccer critics. His size and athleticism are unquestioned, but some think his talents are still a little raw. I agree with them. He has some things that he could learn from the other two goalkeepers on this list in terms of positioning and game management, but he gets the nod in the number one spot because he would get the number spot for the American roster right now.

2. Brian McBride (Forward - No Club)
McBride came home from a brief stint in Germany to help launch MLS with the Columbus Crew. His career in soccer began with a brilliant career at Buffalo Grove High School in the Northwest suburbs of Chicago and then as a two time All-American for St. Louis University, a hotbed for star American players. He played nine seasons for the Crew, scoring 62 goals for them, and was twice loaned out to EPL teams (Preston North End and Everton.) For the last four and a half seasons, he's been plying his trade with Fulham. After coming back from a major knee injury and helping Fulham avoid relegation, he decided to come home to the United States and rumor has it that he might sign with the Chicago Fire. Correction: his wife decided. It has long been known that she was unhappy in England and wanted to be back in Chicago where both of their families live. Can't say I blame her, I love this town.

McBride is a veteran of three World Cup's, scoring the only U.S. goal in the 1998 tournament in France during a 2-1 loss to Iran. He was the best American forward again in 2002 while scoring in the opening match victory over Portugal and again in the Round of 16 triumph over Mexico. He is a tall, physical presence and has always played the role of the target forward because of his ability to win the ball in the air. Although he retired from the international game in 2006, I believe he is still the best forward the United States has to offer. I also believe that, given the style of the English game, he would be the best choice to go alongside either Wayne Rooney or Michael Owen in the top of their lineup. If he has the ability to put as many balls in the net as he has when receiving service from crappy MLS players and Fulham's lackluster midfield, imagine the numbers he would put up with Beckham, Lampard, and Gerrard sending the ball into the mixer? Scary.

3. Brad Friedel (Goalkeeper - Blackburn Rovers)
A native of Cleveland, Ohio and Bay Village High School, Friedel also retired from National Team duty already (2005.) His club career began with two brief loan stints in England and Denmark and then two seasons with fabled club Galatasaray SK in the Turkish Süper Lig. He returned to the United States from Galatasaray to help launch MLS with his home state Columbus Crew. After just one and a half seasons and a MLS Best XI nod, Friedel left for England the nano-second the EPL came calling. Three rocky seasons with Liverpool, he transferred to Blackburn Rovers and has been a lock in the starting lineup ever since.

A veteran of three World Cup's, he battled Kasey Keller for the first team net duties and almost always won. His superior positioning and knowledge of the game, along with a tremendously powerful and accurate leg, have always been his strong points. He has been named the top goalkeeper in the Premier League at the end of the 2002-2003 season. If it weren't for his age and Howard's athleticism, I'd have put him in the number one spot. For me, he's still the top American goalie. Hell, this guy even has an English accent.

4. Kasey Keller (Goalkeeper - Fulham)
Keller may have actually been the most consistent goalkeeper the United States has ever had. One of just two American players to participate in four World Cup Finals events, he would have been alone with five had Bora Milutinovic hadn’t ignored him for the 1994 tournament here on his home soil. He’s played in 102 international matches, but it would be many more than that had his career not perfectly, or imperfectly as the case may be, overlapped with the brilliant careers of Tony Meola, Brad Friedel and Tim Howard.

On the club side, Keller has bounced around England, Spain and Germany over the years, getting the chance to start for clubs such as Borussia Mönchengladbach, Tottenham Hotspur, and most recently Fulham. Not too shabby. Solid athleticism and positioning, he is currently one of the top goalkeepers in the EPL and helped Fulham avoid relegation alongside fellow Americans Brian McBride, Carlos Bocanegra and Clint Dempsey. He would have to be considered an option along with Howard to be one of the three best choices in net for England, if he were, in fact, English.

5. DeMarcus Beasley (Midfielder – Glasgow Rangers)
There are several players that I considered for the fifth spot, but when it came down to it, I remembered reading a bunch of quotes from managers in the EPL all talking about how dangerous of a player Beasley can be. DeMarcus is from Fort Wayne, Indiana and before finishing high school moved to the U.S. Residency program in Bradenton, Florida. He made an immediate impact when he joined the Chicago Fire in MLS and after several successful seasons he was shipped off via a $2.5 million transfer to PSV Eindhoven in the top Dutch league. After becoming a starter for the top club in Holland, he became a key player in PSV Eindhoven’s run to the UEFA Champion’s League semi-final. He became the first American to get that far in the tournament and scored four goals in his twelve matches.

He played a little over two seasons in Holland before injuries forced a run a bad form and he was loaned out to Manchester City during his third season. When he regained his form, PSV Eindhoven brought him back, but at season’s end he was transferred to Rangers in the Scottish Premier League. During this past season he has injured again during a Champion’s League match and missed most of the year, but returned in time to help Rangers to a championship in the Scottish Cup.

As the international level he has earned 69 caps and has scored 15 goals and when healthy he has become a lock at the left midfield position for the United States. Only 5’8” and about 150 pounds soaking wet, he’s actually smaller than me, but he is an absolute terror because of his speed and tenacity. His blazing speed and left footed crosses would likely earn him a spot off the bench as a late sub for England, but his lack of size and defensive presence would keep him from getting regular minutes.


“Juuuuust a bit outside. He tried the corner and missed.”

Eddie Lewis (Midfielder, Derby County) – If not for a career riddled with injuries, non-soccer fans may have actually heard of Eddie Lewis. Probably one of the more complete skill sets of any American non-goalkeeper, he just never was able to reach his full potential.
Landon Donovan (Midfielder, Los Angeles Galaxy) – The next he steps on the pitch he’ll become the fourth youngest player to ever reach 100 caps for any country in the world, but his perceived lack of heart, guts and physical play has earned him the nickname “Landycakes” among U.S. soccer faithful and many don’t believe he is the answer he once was thought to be for American soccer.
Steve Cherundolo (Defender, Hannover 96) – Not the best defender in the U.S. camp, but perhaps the most complete, he has come along way over the past several seasons and earned nearly 50 caps. As an outside back he is competitive and a good man-marker and has shown the ability to go forward and get involved in the attack.
Clint Dempsey (Midfielder, Fulham) – Give Clint’s heart and physical style of play to Donovan and we might have had ourselves a true footballer. All that aside, Dempsey is just not quite good enough to take on a forward’s responsibility at the international level and would need to better himself defensively enough to make it as a midfielder.

Top Five Fridays: Fun Big Brother Memories

This is my regular feature called Top Five Fridays. Here I'll list some of my favorite things like, Top 5 Ways to Annoy a Michigan Fan or Top 5 Most Overrated Athletes (cough cough, Brett Favre, cough cough)..... Have no fear, we'll get to both those topics in good time. At the end there will also be a section for those that just missed the cut.

I apologize for missing last week's Top 5. It was about half written and then last weekend got rather busy with people coming in town for a wedding. Then I got pretty sick this week and I didn't finish it until just now, so hopefully this is good enough to quench your thirst from the past two weeks. In honor of the wedding that happened last Saturday here in Chicago, I decided to do a post in honor of the groom. He was my big brother in the fraternity and as we all know, he can be a bit crazy at times. So here are my...

Top 5 Favorite Big Brother Memories

These are just a few of my favorites from the past ten years of knowing the man. I'd like to encourage everyone to post your own favorite memories and quotes in the comments.

1. I Can't Be Your Superman
Sophomore year our fraternity formal was in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. Our pledge class was known for how much they liked the drink, so this was an opportunity for them all to do so legally at the age of 19. At this point in my life, I was still pretty square. That New Year’s Eve was the first time I’d ever had a drink and I don’t think I had another one until we got to Canada. The trip itself was the source of many great college stories: the extremely dumb education major I was dating at the time and my first trip to a casino to name two.

The night of the actual formal, however, provided two memorable quotes from my big that would live in infamy. He knew I wasn’t a drinker and he saw me getting pretty tanked, so at one point we went out to get some air. He, himself, was completely in the can. We were sitting on the back steps of this trashy banquet hall when he uttered this line:

“Cap, the key to being drunk is to never act like it.”

Today I find this hilarious because it’s his biological younger brother, and not my big, who is the king of not acting like it. My big always acts like it. Either way, the conversation also provided one of the quirky, amusing and somewhat truthful things that I’ve taken with me ever since. For reasons that may not always be prevalent on the surface, I really looked up to him from the moment I showed up at rush. He was the president of the fraternity and he was a funny guy, always lighting up a room when he entered. It was clear from the start that in a lot of ways, I’d hoped I would be able to captivate an audience the way he did. He recognized this fairly early on in our friendship and, in that same conversation, told me a story.

I’m not sure if I’m getting this right, because it’s been almost ten years, but when he was a young Pi Kapp himself my big had a similar conversation with one of our older brothers named Keith. I think it was Keith. Whoever it was gave my big a little Superman toy and told him, “You shouldn’t look up to anyone except Superman.” My big told me the same thing that night, and when he “graduated” that spring, he gave me the Superman toy at Senior Pass Downs.

2. Mr. Bonilla, if you please.
This next story is also probably one of my favorite moments being a sports fan. It was my sophomore year and one of our other fraternity brothers, G-Lowe, got four tickets and a parking pass for the Cincinnati Reds game against the New York Mets down in Riverfront Stadium from his dad's company and he couldn't use them. Instead, myself, my big, my little (Swamp) and another one of our brothers, who we’ll call “Warden” because he held that position when I was pledging, drove down to the game.

We took my big’s car and he drove, though he informed me early on that I would likely be driving us back to Oxford. We got there in plenty of time for the start of the game and it didn’t take long for the Warden and my big to get a couple beers deep. The seats were amazing. If I remember correctly, we were on the aisle in the third row right next to the visitor’s dugout on the home plate side. Some of the best seats I’ve ever sat in.

The guy that hit third for the Mets at the time was Bobby Bonilla. You probably remember him. After a quick leadoff out, Bonilla stepped into the on deck circle. Immediately, my big and the Warden started laying into him and that’s when my big came up with this doozy:

“Bobby Bo, you bloooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww.”

He said it multiple times, among other things, and it was obvious that Bonilla heard him. He was standing mere feet from us and the park was still relatively empty. Another quick out and it was Bonilla’s turn to bat. The first pitch he saw, he crushed. The thing didn’t look like it would ever land, but it eventually ended up in the upper deck. Bonilla trotted slowly around the bases, but as he rounded third, his eyes locked onto us. We were all standing, in silence, and Bonilla never took his eyes off us the entire 90 feet to home. He stepped on the plate, turned and walked back to the dug out. Starred at us the whole way.

3. The First Impression
In order to join a fraternity at Miami University, the first step is to attend “Open House,” a weekend where each potential rushee has to visit 75% of the houses on campus. During these visits, you will watch a repetitive slide show, listen to a speech from the Rush Chair about how they are the best house on campus, and then you are whisked away individually and given a quick tour of the house while a couple of the brothers have a five minute conversation with you and determine whether you are worth talking to again.

To be perfectly honest, when the guys from my freshman dorm were herded into the basement of the Pi Kapp house, we were unimpressed. We were a close-knit group of guys that played a lot of sports together and caused a raucous on occassion. We had also just come from Phi Psi, which, to most of us, was the best house on campus. A guy that graduated a year ahead of me in high school was a Phi Psi and although I originally had no interest in going Greek, he was the one that changed my mind. The second we were seated at Pi Kapp, one of the brothers started ripping on JoeJoe, a kid that lived across the hall from me, for wearing a Notre Dame hat. Now, to be fair, anyone wearing Notre Dame apparell deserves all the chiding he gets, but we were all friends and didn’t know this frat boy, so we weren’t amused.

The first time I met my eventual big brother was at a “Coke Date” later that fall. Coke dates were when the active brothers would take out potential rushees and try to impress them enough so that they would come back for Formal Rush in January. They were named as such because you weren’t allowed to have alcohol present for these events. For my coke date, my big came and picked me up at my dorm and we went to Hole in the Wall bar. There I met G-Lowe, Bally, Nine-O and Fitz. I’m not sure who else was present. Either way, we shot some pool and I beat my big in bubble hockey, that's all I really remember. I had a good time and was starting to reverse my feelings from that day of open house.

As my big drove me back to my dorm, he told me that they were having a formal brotherhood dinner at the house a couple of days later and that he wanted me to come. I agreed and he told me he would pick me up from my dorm again. The night of the dinner, he never showed. Never called. Nothing. I got a phone call the next day and he was apologized profusely for forgetting to come get me and he said that we’d go grab dinner up town some time on him. It’s ten years later and I’m still waiting for that dinner.

4. Freshman Formal
A moment that was more “big brotherly” and less humorous happened almost immediately upon joining the fraternity my freshman year. We had our formal in Indianapolis, Indiana that spring and I wanted to take my high school girlfriend, Lizzie. The problem was that she was still a senior in high school and didn’t have a car, and neither did I, so the four hour trip to Oxford was going to be a challenge.

My dad agreed to drive her halfway, and my big brother agreed to take me to Columbus to get her. We hitched another ride from someone, Darb I think, to Indianapolis, and then when I asked my big if he could take us back to Oxford, he said, “Sure, but we’re leaving the top down so I hope you don’t mind getting your faces blown off.” Cute. The top stayed up because it was freezing, but the point of the story is how a few guys went out of their way to help a brother out. I hadn't known these guys for very long, but already it felt like home thanks to guys like my big.

The entire weekend was capped off with a trip with Lizak all the way to Cleveland and back to drop her off. We stopped at my parents for dinner and finally hit Oxford at about 2:00 am. Amazingly, we made it the whole weekend without any traffic violations. That is, until I got pulled over in the fraternity house driveway for going 36 in a 25 on Spring Street. Are you kidding me?

5. What does DG mean to you?
The story I was going to put in this spot has to do with a walkie-talkie and the voice of God, but I have a strong feeling that everyone reading this knows who my big brother is and most of you already know the story. For those that don’t, ask your significant others, I don’t want to be the one to tell you.

Instead, I’ll give you this brief one that I wasn’t present for, but heard about during pledging. Delta Gamma sorority has a pledge event every year called “Anchor King.” It’s somewhat of a beauty pageant for the pledges in the fraternities on campus, except it’s more of a popularity contest than anything. There is a talent portion and then they give each contestant a question to answer on stage. My big was our representative when he was pledging and apparently his question was, “What does DG mean to you?”

His answer: “Dorky Gongola.”

Something leads me to believe this wasn’t the answer they were looking for.


“Juuuuust a bit outside. He tried the corner and missed.”

This section will be dedicated to some of the classic lines spit out by my big brother. Feel free to post your own favorite stories or lines in the comments section.

Cash is King.
Seriously.
Do you want to go practice making babies?
Do you want to practice kissing?
My girlfriend fell off a cliff and died on impact. It was tragic.
Do you want to hold hands with interlocking fingers?