The Sixth Cents XVII: Big Brown Dump Edition

This is my somewhat regular posting called “The Sixth Cents.” It’s a little play on words with the "my two cents" concept mixed with me having a "sixth sense" about sports. The second part is obviously ridiculous, just like anyone who tells you that they knew the whole time that Bruce Willis was already dead. In this feature, I will attempt to give my take on some of the stories in the sports world and a few personal annecdots on top of it.

It’s been awhile since I gave ya’ll a post other than my soccer team updates, and I also failed at getting a Top 5 out last week. There really hasn’t been anything new and crazy going in the sports world so I’ve had a tough time getting a Sixth Cents together, but I figured I owed you kids after the poor couple of weeks. Enjoy!

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1. Going Postal
Be sure to dump your stock in UPS and start using the U.S. Postal Service again. Big Brown was the victim of probably the most shocking loss of Triple Crown hopefuls the Belmont has ever seen. It was the first time a horse with a shot at the Triple Crown ever finished in last place. Now it has been 30 long years since our last trifecta.

Big Brown has been injured for the past couple weeks, so it wasn’t exactly the biggest shock the world of horse racing has ever seen. More than anything else, it was the way he lost. Running in third place and looking good over the first half of the race, everyone assumed that Big Brown would coast around the final turn and explode down the final stretch like he had in the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness Stakes. Instead, he started jerking his head to the side in obvious discomfort and his jockey eased him up and out of the pack as they trotted to the finish line.

Although we are hearing reports that there is nothing physically wrong with the UPS sponsored colt, jockey Kent Desormeaux’s wise decision to pull up lame may have saved Big Brown and the sport of horse racing from another public execution on the track. Mrs. Sizemore, who comes from a family that knows quite a bit about the sport of horse racing, was gleeful that the Triple Crown was not won. Personally, I’m for witnessing history and was sad that the horse that brought me $50 of glory in a random draw bet with Mrs. Miami’s family a few weeks ago couldn’t finish what he started.

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2. The Heart of Rock and Roll is in Cleveland
Several weeks back, Mrs. Sizemore lost a bet. We were sitting around with some friend’s at their lake house in Beverley Shores, Indiana playing cards when the song “The Heart of Rock and Roll” by Huey Lewis and the News came on the old iPod. I was singing along with the song and came in one verse too early with the lyrics, “…in Cleveland,” that appear in the final refrain. Mrs. Sizemore had more than her share of adult cocktails and was adamant that these were not, in fact, the words in the song. So sure of herself, that she said, “I promise I will be an Indians fan if they say ‘Cleveland’ anywhere in this song.”

So one verse later we had one more member of the Tribe and one less member of Red Sox Nation, at which point she proceeded to cry herself to sleep. Since then, the Indians have sucked miserably, so I let her off the hook on Sunday. I’ve never been one to believe that things such as these have any effect on the game, but we’re 2-0 since. Either way, if we don’t turn this thing around soon, it will be a long three months until football season begins.

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3. I Think I’m Gonna Bomb a Town
Speaking of football, we are nearing completion of the first of two Beirut tables and I must say, it’s looking good. All of the up to date pictures are currently available on Mrs. Sizemore’s facebook profile since my date to my cousin’s wedding from LAST June still has my digital camera. For those that aren’t on the ole facebook yet, get with the program. I know parents and companies that have profiles and it’s features make it an all encompassing website that has the potential to make other Internet websites like evite, snapfish, and birthday alarm (among others) obsolete in the near future. For those that don’t want to jump on the bandwagon, wait about another week and I’ll post them on here for the entire world to see. In the mean time, here is a shot of the OSU logo in the middle of the board before we touch it up and a shot of the circles where the cups go to wet your appetite.












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4. Put a Fork in the NBA
After 23 years on this earth, the first live NBA game I ever took in was my first on the job for the Chicago Bulls in the fall of 2002. For over two seasons I lived for the Bulls despite he team being compared too high school teams as far as their level of play. When I left the team, they suddenly got good again and made a couple of playoff runs only to fall apart amidst elevated expectations this past year.

As for the rest of the league, well, amongst the best players in the league you have a rapist (Kobe Bryant,) a whiney baby (Tim Duncan,) a me-first thug who doesn’t like to practice (Allen Iverson,) a vanilla-bland foreigner (Dirk Nowitzki,) and a lousy tipper (LeBron James.) And then you have a referee, Tim Donaghy, who quits and is convicted of fixing games against the spread. Now he says that he isn’t the only one and that the league was fixing games to create lengthen some of the playoff series, something that has been suspected by conspiracy theorists for a long time. Well, I’ve had enough. It was already my least favorite of the five, yes five, major team sports. I don’t know what to do with it anymore except ignore it.

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5. Believe me. I tied my own shoes once. It is an overrated experience.
I’m sure this may be hard to believe, but one month shy of my 29th birthday, I ventured into a gentleman’s club for the first time in my life. A friend’s bachelor party featuring the shenanigans of a trolley ride around Chicago led us to VIP’s before finishing at our local stomping grounds, Tai’s. Being that it was my first time and I had heard previously that this particular establishment wasn’t exactly the best, I won’t judge all strip clubs based on my Friday night. That being said, I was extremely unimpressed. The clear majority of the girls were quite busted looking and had bad boob jobs. They were also mostly tall and on the heavier side than I imagined. The few that were actually pretty and petite (like I like my women,) were not much better than raisins on an ironing board.

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6. Wonderboy! What is the secret of your power?

Roy Hobbs: I coulda been better. I coulda broke every record in the book.

Iris Gaines: And then?

Roy Hobbs: And then? And then when I walked down the street people would've looked and they would've said there goes Roy Hobbs, the best there ever was in this game.

Great movie if you’ve never seen it. Robert Redford is stupendous despite being his usual monotone and bland self. If ever there were a real life version of Roy Hobbs, it would be Ken Griffey, Jr. From the time he was 19 years old he had the most beautiful and perfect looking swing. He burst on the scene quickly and in his first eleven seasons he already totaled 398 home runs. It was at that point that Griffey was traded to his hometown Cincinnati Reds and his career has been marred by injuries ever since.

On Monday he became the sixth player in MLB history to reach the historic total of 600 homers. That gives him just 202 in the past eight seasons since the trade. It was Griffey, not Barry Bonds, who was believed to be the chosen one to break Hank Aaron’s career home run record. While he will remain in the discussion as one of the top ballplayers of all time, it truly is a sad ending to such a promising career. All of that aside, congratulations are still in order to Junior Griffey for #600. We’ll see you in the Hall of Fame.

The Sixth Cents XVI: Ice Ice Baby Edition

Alright stop collaborate and listen

Ice is back with my brand new invention

Okay, so it isn't brand new, but it will be rebranded. Mrs. Sizemore is working on the logo and I've changed the name from "Six Cents" to "The Sixth Cents." A little play on words with the "my two cents" concept mixed with me having a "sixth sense" about sports. The second part is obviously ridiculous, just like anyone who tells you that they knew the whole time that Bruce Willis was already dead. So, stay tuned for all that in the coming weeks. This won't be a weekly feature like the Top 5 Fridays are, but it will show up from time to time. Without further (Freddy) Adu.....

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1. Rock'em Chalk'em Jayhawks
I’d like to extend a heartfelt “screw you” to the Kansas Jayhawks for NOT choking in the NCAA tournament this year like they always do. My bracket was already ruined when Georgetown got knocked out early and Memphis didn't get knocked out fast enough, but KU finished me off. Mrs. Miami’s father invited me into the family pool this year and thanks to the Jayhawks win last night I finished butt naked last. That, I believe, is a first for me. I should probably be forced to stop blogging about sports as a result, but truth be told I've never been that into basketball at any level. While it is certainly disappointing, my 2004 bracket victory in the Chicago Bulls Front Office pool has handily covered me in every other bracket that hasn't won money.

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2. Get Your Kicks On Route 66
I would like to take this time to extend congratulations to The Ohio State University. The Buckeye hoopsters won the NIT Championship last week, otherwise known as "The Battle for #66." tOSU played perhaps their best ball of the season the during the tournament. Granted, they were playing against teams that weren’t good enough to go dancing, so it wasn't the stiffest competition. However, they won a title, so I'm not complaining.

Here’s some food for thought:

Would you rather get into the NCAA tourney as a 12 seed and lose in the first round, or go the NIT and win a championship?

If you ask me, with a young team like Ohio State has, I’d rather win the NIT and teach the kids how to win. that's exactly what they did. Congrats again boys.

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3. Joe Borowski: Best Worst Closer? or Worst Best Closer?
We’re one week in and I’ve had enough of JoeBo. In his three appearances he has already blown a save, surrendered two homers including a walk-off grand slam by Torii Hunter last night, walked four and has an ERA of 19.29. Last year he became the first closer in history with over 40 saves and a 5+ ERA (45 saves, 5.07 ERA.) Bottom line, he saves a lot of games, but he aways gives up runs in the process. Either way, I don't trust him.

I honestly believe that the closer was one of the missing pieces to last year’s club along with Hafner and Sizemore having slightly down years at the plate. With a top flight closer, we’d have had home field advantage throughout and that MIGHT have been enough to eek past the BoSox.

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4. “Everybody just be cooooooooooool”

At one of my favorite Dave Matthews Band shows, Dave had to tell everyone to “be cooooooool” as the crowd poured out of the stands at RFK Stadium and began to crush “the pretty little ladies up in the front.” Well, now I’m saying the same to all the crazy baseball fans out there. I mean, it's been one week people. Now, should I apply this to my thoughts on Borowski? No. JoeBo was a scary closer last year and I think it could come back to haunt us when it counts, much like Memphis at the free throw line.

However, here are few little nuggets for you:

The Cubs aren’t that bad. Fans were jumping off a ledge after the first two games.
The Cubs aren’t that good. Certain people have the Cubs winning the World Series this year. Sorry, I just don’t see this lineup and that pitching staff being deep enough to take down the AL representative, even if they do become the AAAA (NL) representative. Plus, it's been 100 years. Come on.
The Tigers aren’t that bad. This team will score runs and win games, don’t worry.
The Tigers aren’t that good. This team was overrated to begin with thanks to the "experts" at ESPN. The bullpen is downright awful and the rotation isn’t deep enough. Was I the only one that wasn’t scared when they signed Dontrelle Willis?

Also:
The Indians are not a .500 team.
Neither are the Red Sox.
The Cardinals aren't that good.

The Rockies aren't that bad.

And the Orioles may currently have the best record in baseball, but I assure you that they have a better chance of finishing with the worst record.

Reminder: It's only been a week. Ya'll can start worrying some time in May. Okay?

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5. The Real Opening Day

On Saturday, I got a phone call from Nash at 11:15 AM asking what I thought of a playing bags that afternoon. Mrs. Sizemore and I had a ton of other plans, but the weather was too nice to not play, so I relented. I was thinking 4-5 guys would show up. I was wrong. An entire day/night of debauchery ensued where we consumed copious amount of beer and over two handles of vodka. I'm glad all the guys that weren't in Cabo for 900's wedding were able to swing by, it was a much needed day of relaxation. Not only that, but the little Red Bull mini came by and dropped off a ton of product for us. We took that as a cue that it was time for Jaegerbombs!

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6. Beirut is too a Sport

The original plan for Saturday was to start building some custom Beirut/Flip Cup tables for the big Cap of July festival this summer. For those that haven’t booked your trip to Chicago yet, the party is going to be on Saturday, July 5th. Be there. Or don't. But if you don't, then I assure you that we will have a better time that day than you will.

Here are the designs we've come up with for the two tables:

One will be green and painted exactly like a scaled down version of the field in Browns' Stadium.

The other will be a Buckeye board. The circles where the cups are placed will be the same as the circle on the state flag of Ohio.

The Sixth Cents I

I'm unveiling a new post today, I hope I'm going to stick with this thing long enough to make it a regular column on my blog. Maybe it'll be every Tuesday, we'll just have to see. Bill Simmons has his More Cowbell column, Jayson Stark has Rumblings & Grumblings, and now I have "Six Cents." I'm not suggesting that I'm nearly the writer that Stark or Simmons are, hell, I just started writing a week ago.

What these columns will be about is six topics that aren't worthy of their own column, but together would form a good sized post. I'm calling it "Six Cents" because I'm notorious for giving more than my two cents about random topics. It kind of sounds like "Sixth Sense" as well, which was a fairly disturbing movie. I assure you that some of the topics will be equally disturbing.

I'm also going to keep track of these using Roman numerals much like the Super Bowl and Wrestlemania because honestly, shouldn't every recurring event be tracked with Roman numerals? Wouldn't it be great to read about my birthday party next summer and see an evite like this, "Cap's Birthday - XXVII"? Or for Christmas we could be like, "Celebrating Jesus' Birth - MMV Edition"? Or better yet, "New Year's MMVI - The Year Osama was tied to a street light in Manhattan"?

That being said, this is where I will give you shorter thoughts on a bunch of topics. It will be about the different things going on in my completely screwed up life, the most recent insanity that is going on in the sports world, and maybe even a little political sidebar just for Hutch. Here goes.....
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1. Which leads me to my next point kids, don't smoke crack.
Has everyone been keeping up with this craziness? Seems to me that Michael Irvin is getting a free pass here. Seriously people, this isn't bigger news? Does anyone remember when Rush Limbaugh made some inappropriate comments about Donovan McNabb and black quarterbacks? Didn't we talk about that for weeks?

Rush got immediately fired for making a statement that was basically true. Politically incorrect, definitely racist, but when you think of mobile quarterbacks in the NFL, what names come to mind? Mike Vick, Randall Cunningham, Donovan McNabb, Daunte Culpepper, Kordell Stewart. Okay, you probably try to forget about Kordell Stewart, but you get the point.

Limbaugh gets canned, understandably, but here is Irvin, arrested for possession of a freaking crack pipe and...nothing. There has been very little reported on the incident, he's so far kept his job, and he has even been given a place on several national TV shows to explain himself. Didn't he just get arrested in 2000 for possession of crack cocaine? Wasn't that just five years ago? Did he seriously use the line that we all used when we got caught with something we weren't supposed to have as a kid? "It's not mine, it belongs to a friend."

Okay, and what if he's telling the truth, you ask? Then he is a fucking moron, that's what. Why not just take it straight to a dumpster and throw the stupid thing away? Why would you hide it in your car? Unreal.
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2. Just like my sister said, trust the Green Weenies with beer, it's what they know.
They're at it again folks. Stupid Weenies. For those that haven't heard, Frank Solich, the first-year head coach of a 4-7 Ohio University football team, was convicted of drunk driving yesterday, but (also) not fired. This guy was apparently found passed out by the police with his car still in drive going in the wrong direction on a one-way street. Brilliant. Clearly everything we've heard about Athens, Ohio is true, there is nothing to do but drink there. Even 61-year old football coaches get blitzed out of their mind and do stupid shit. That bad of a season, Frankie? At least Solich can take solace in the fact that he isn't in the cornfields of Nebraska anymore (this coming from an Ohioan.) Do you see what I did there? Did you see it? How I made a play on words? Solich and solace? No? Okay, terrible joke.

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3. Mobile Pole
At least we know the Chicago Bears don't take after their Norris Division rival Minnesota Vikings and their sex cruise. We know this because Da Bears actually beat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on the road. As we heard Burgess Meredith say during his role as Mickey in the Rocky movies, "Women weaken legs," so they couldn't have possibly participated in "Tailgates Gone Wild" or they'd have likely stunk up the joint. But you simply can't make stuff like this up. Apparently there were a few arrests at the Bears-Bucs game in Florida last Sunday for running a strip club out of a mobile home in the parking lot. This was the fourth game they'd been to and only got caught because they were trying to be "professional" and made flyers advertising the club. Good times.
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4. Wahoo! What a finish!
I know it's not even December yet and that baseball's winter meetings will bring more moves throughout Major League Baseball than we've had so far. Does this mean I can't vent about the Tribe? Nope.

The real reason the Indians made that valient come back in the second half last season (only to come up short) was because of their pitching. This is a fact. Here are some vital Tribe stats from 2005:

3rd in team ERA
3rd in opponents batting average
1st in opponents on base percentage
2nd in fewest walks allowed
2nd in opponents slugging average
2nd in save percentage

So what's the first order of business in the offseason for our boys? Let key members of the pitching staff play elsewhere, obviously. We let Bob Howry, the most reliable bullpen guy, go to the Cubs. It also doesn't look likely for us to resign Kevin Millwood, Bob Wickman or Scott Elarton. Remind me again why we allowed a guy to buy the team that can't even afford to keep the uniforms clean? I understand that we were competitive with the 5th lowest payroll in baseball last year ($41.5 M), but you simply have to spend more than that if you want to sell tickets and still be playing ball in October.
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5. Don't Mess with Texas
Received this from a Southern Belle friend of mine, Brooke. Pretty damn funny if you ask me. Sometimes I wish I was a Texan, but then I realize that I don't own a pick-up truck or a gun. Too bad. What fun I would have.

Warning: Conservative political comment below.

If this were a pro-life rally or an anti-gay marriage demonstration and nobody showed up, I think that the liberally biased media would have been all over this. They would have made fun of Republicans everywhere and made it seem as though exactly ZERO Americans felt the same way they did.
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6. Year of the Fan.
I suppose ESPN forgot to ask the real fans what they wanted to see on their monopoly of a network. Dick Butkis in a reality show. Fake press conferences. Stuart Scott's poetry slam. ESPN Hollywood. All Yankees and Red Sox, all the time. Ridiculous movies that over dramatize how real life sports icons lived. "Stab me in the eye with a dull object because it hurts more" personalities such as Lee Corso, Dick Vitale, John Clayton, Chris Berman, Woody Paige, and Skip Bayless. I hardly think that's how we would have responded. Time for some new blood boys. Hire me.

Don't get me wrong, I love the concept of Bristol, Connecticutt. I seriously hope to run one of their channels someday. But these guys made some very good points about why ESPN, in it's current form, sucks. I don't agree with all of these 52 reasons, but I enjoyed reading all of them because it was just unbridled anger at its best. This is how we roll.

The Sixth Cents XIV - National Championship Edition

Greetings Minions!

It's been quite some time since I've posted, and I promise there will be a more detailed update soon, but I've been under a lot of stress on the work front lately and haven't had an opportunity to put anything together. Shaffer, I haven't had any time to analyze this game in any great detail, but I will give you a Six Cents about this game because it seems that the trendy pick right now is Florida and every analyst seems to think the Bucks will lose this one.

In the interest of time, I'll break it down by giving you something I've heard in the media and then breaking in down with my counter argument.

1. The Buckeyes haven't faced anyone with this kind of team speed, Florida is too fast for Ohio State. Didn't they say the same thing about Michigan? Why isn't anyone talking about the Buckeyes speed? Sure, the Gators have two great cornerbacks, but name me a one-two wide receiver punch in the SEC as good, and as fast, as Ginn and Gonzalez. Also, who is going to cover Robiskie, Hall, Hartline, Small, etc?

2. Florida's offense will run all sorts of trick plays and will move the ball all over Ohio State. Are you kidding me? Have you SEEN Florida's offense this year? I think even the biggest Gator supporter would agree that they haven't been great this year, but I'd suggest to you that when they have played a big time defense, they have been downright inept. They haven't scored more than 23 points against anyone except Arkansas if you're looking at the biggest games on their schedule. In fact, if you take away the I-AA school and C. Florida, they are averaging a little over 24 points per game. NOT GOOD.

In case you missed it, the Buckeyes have barely allowed 10 points per game and here is a stat for you: Ohio State opponents have gotten into the OSU red zone 35 times this season and only come away with 9 touchdowns. Good luck scoring Gators.

3. Urban Meyer is a big game coach. Again, they must not have looked at the other sideline when they made this statement. I don't care what Meyer has done, until this year, it's been at mid-major programs. I'll definitely give the coaching match-up to the Sweater Vest at there is no bigger "Big Game Coach" in the business right now. Notice I said, RIGHT NOW. 5-1 against Michigan, 4-1 in Bowl Games, 3-0 in BCS Bowl Games, 1-0 in I-A National Championship Games, not to mention all the National Championships at the I-AA level with Youngstown State.

4. Florida's secondary will give Troy Smith problems and intercept his passes. Ha! The "Number One Defense in College Football" couldn't do that, what makes you think Florida will? Because they're faster than Michigan? Okay, I'll give you that. Because their top two guys have a combined 14 picks this year? I'll concede that too. Have you watched Troy play this year? The Heisman voters did. He won by the biggest margin in the history of the award. Bigger than Reggie Bush. His TD-INT ratio is 6/1. His offensive line gives him all kinds of time and even when they don't, we all know what Troy is capable of when improvising with his legs.

5. The two quarterback system has been effective and will keep the Buckeyes off-balance. Maybe. But when has a two quarterback system ever won a championship? And in the words of DT Quinn Pitcock, they don't do anything that we haven't seen before. Sure, maybe no team has done all the things that Florida is capable of, but that doesn't mean that the Gators will be showing the Buckeyes anything new. Going further, Florida has been completely inept at running the football. The teams that have hung with Ohio State have been able to run the ball. This does not bode well for Florida's chances of staying with us.

6. "I'm more afraid of a Gator than a nut." When this is in your top five reasons that Florida will win, you are really in trouble. And maybe you haven't heard:

The Sixth Cents III

They say that once you do something three times it can become a habit, right? That means we are good to go with the Six Cents posts...this will officially be a regular feature. Most of them won't be as long as they were last week, I promise. Some of those topics could be large columns by themselves, but I digress. We've had a fairly busy week in sports since last time and it was tough to narrow down my favorite six stories to chime in on. Here we go!
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1. I love Bush as much as the next guy, but come on Eileen
For those that weren't paying attention, Reggie Bush of the USC Trojans won the Heisman Trophy this year. I don't have a problem with this at all. He is clearly the most dominant athlete in college football, and I'm not even just talking about this year. His performance over the past two seasons has to be right up there in terms of "all-time college superstars."

My problem is this: Matt Leinart only received 18 first place votes. 18!? Is that it?

Listen, I know this was Reggie's award and all. I know that Leinart won it last year. I didn't even want Leinart to win it because then Archie Griffin of THE Ohio State University wouldn't be the only two-time winner anymore. But 18!? His numbers were better than last season and does anyone remember the throw during the final drive of the Notre Dame game that saved the Trojans' season? This guy was unbelievable in 2005. While he clearly did not deserve to repeat with the way his teammate performed this fall, I think he earned more respect than 18 first place votes.
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2. The FIFIX World Cup
If you missed yesterday's World Cup article, scroll down and check it out, or click here. If nothing else, it offers a different perspective on the United States' chances than most members of the media are presenting.

I mentioned in that article about the USA's getting snubbed for one of the top eight seeds, which is essentially the reason why we got lumped into the group of near-death. I'll say this up front though, I don't think we deserved a top seed. But then again, neither did Mexico...or perhaps even Italy.

The crazy formula that FIFA used was based on a few factors. They weigh in your current world ranking and how you performed throughout the qualifying tournaments in your region. That makes enough sense, right? But then they score your performance in the previous three World Cup Finals.

Now I understand that the most recent World Cup is weighted heavier than the others, but tell me something. How does a team's play during 1994 or 1998 have any relavance whatsoever on what they are doing in 2006? Seriously. I need someone to explain it to me. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the United States will have just ONE player remaining from that 1994 squad, and perhaps only FOUR from the 1998 version. This is a different team...as are all of the other nations in this tournament.

I believe that this formula is in place entirely to protect the traditional powers. Italy, Argentina, Brazil, Germany, France, England, Spain, Mexico. Those are the teams that FIFIX wants, so those are the teams that FIFIX gets.

Nevermind that Holland won it's qualifying group and is ranked #3 in the world right now. They failed to qualify in 2002!

Nevermind that the United States was a quarterfinalist in 2002. Or that we played well enough to be a semi-finalist. Or that we won our qualifying group and are ranked #8 in the world. We got dumped back in 1998 with a horrendous coach that took a number of slow, over the hill guys to France.

And Mexico? MEXICO? Last I checked, they didn't win their region...WE DID. We are also 7-2-1 in our last 10 games against them since 2000. Mexico has only scored 3 goals against us, all coming at home in their only two wins over that stretch (2-1 and 1-0.) Oh yeah, and we beat them in the previous World Cup. Remember that? I know they do.
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3. Kobe can't be my Superman
First of all, any time the Lakers lose, it's fine by me. Couple that with Kobe Bryant getting kicked in the face by Anthony Carter and I might even chuckle a little bit. But what Kobe said afterwards? That just sends a chill down my spine.

"My nose is a little crooked, man," Bryant said afterward. "I'm normally super, super sexy. I'm just super sexy now."

I'm sorry, are you kidding me? This statement came from an admitted adulterer who was recently accused of rape. How is it possible that he thinks the American public has forgiven him? I can't believe how completely arrogant and obnoxious that comment is. YOU WERE ACCUSED OF RAPE DUDE, YOU ARE NOT SEXY.

I'm sure he was trying to be funny, but he hasn't earned that from us yet. Had that come from Shaq, Ron Artest, or Dennis Rodman that quote would have been pretty amusing. But Kobe? Nope. No free passes for scum bags.
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4. Cute, racist collegiate athlete chicks and the idiot football players that love them
This story is one that I would like to hear the conclusion of. Is there something in the water in Boulder, CO? First Gary Barnett and all of the sex scandals with the Colorado football team and now we have the adorable Zeigle sisters from the cross-country program.

Apparently a Hispanic runner by the name of Greg Castro received an email from Jacqueline Zeigle and her boyfriend, football player Clint O'Neal calling him a "river rat," a "border hopper" and a "bean eating piece of shit." Incredible stuff.

Zeigle, a sophomore, told police that Castro has an obsession with her and that he pushed her twin sister Laura at a party. Castro claims that Zeigle tried to pin a cheating scandal on him as well and that she invokes her boyfriend's name to threaten others.

The boyfriend got a slap on the wrist from the football team, as expected, but Jacqueline has left the cross-country team for personal reasons. The rumor is that the Zeigle sisters were once considered two of cross-country's fastest rising stars. There was even a magazine article written about their close friendship, devout Christianity, and promise for Olympic glory.
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5. Much Adu about his future
If you haven't heard, Freddy Adu is the boy-wonder of the American soccer scene. What you probably don't know is that he is still young, inexperienced and isn't even a full-time contributor for his club team, D.C. United. He has yet to make an appearance with the senior national team, and rightfully so. He isn't ready. But after acting extremely immaturely he was suspended by United for the playoffs.

US head coach Bruce Arena has called Adu into camp in January, but has also stated that the 16-year old is a long shot at best to make the squad for 2006. Now we have this article quoting Ghana head coach, Ratomir Duikovic. You see, Adu was born in Ghana and moved to the United States when he was 8-years old. Until he makes an appearance for the senior team, or he turns 21, he is still eligible to switch countries. Adu has said that he will only play for the Americans, but what an interesting story that would be if he suited up against us in the upcoming World Cup.

Personally, I think it would ruin his future success to play for Ghana. The United States is slowly but surely becoming a world power in soccer. While the Black Stars are considered Africa's top team, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who thinks Adu would be better served playing for them for the remainder of his career.
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6. Obligatory Miami University and/or Ohio State reference

Miami Hockey tied #15 St. Lawrence and then defeated #16 Clarkson to remain #2 in the country behind Wisconsin. However, the Badgers slipped up over the weekend, losing 4-2 to Michigan Tech before pummeling them in the return leg 7-0. Last week Wisconsin was a unanimous #1, but the Redhawks stole 14 first place votes this week inching us within just 10 points in the overall rankings of the top spot.

As for Ohio State, I can't believe I'm even going to mention this, but the Lady Bucks are ranked #4 in the nation and take on #3 LSU on Thursday night. I didn't used to consider women's basketball a sport, but for gambling purposes, there is nothing quite like the easy spreads laid down for the top 10 every year.

The Sixth Cents X (Dime Bag Edition)

Well kiddies, it's been nearly four full weeks since I've posted and I felt I owed you some news. Surely most of you have received the email newsletter updating everyone as to my new job with Chicago Fire Soccer and the new Bridgeview Stadium. Needless to say, I've been way too busy in both my professional and personal life to do any posting, though I have kept myself up to date on the happenings of the sports world. Amy is a part-time nanny while she's in grad school and is currently in Hawaii with one of the families she works for. She's been there for a week and won't be home until Tuesday, so you'd think I'd have had time to write. You'd think. To make up for my crappy posting habits lately, you're getting an expanded Six Cents this week with (some) much shorter stories. We'll call it a Dime Bag. Hopefully I'll be able to get back on schedule and give you real posts soon....
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1. Fire! Fire! Fire!

I'm a corporate account executive here and I'm trying to sell some suites. If you know the decision maker of your company for something like this, please pass along my information, or pass theirs on to me. This stadium is fantastic and is a dual purpose soccer/concert venue. We're excited to bring you world class soccer such as (major press release coming Monday) the MLS All-Stars versus English Premier League leaders Chelsea.

We'll also be bringing you Dave Matthews, U2, and a number of other big bands to our stage. The suites are ridiculously close to the field and run about the same price as a suite in the rafters at the United Center. The price also INCLUDES all the concerts; no other stadium currently offers this.

You can check out my department and renderings of the suites we offer here.
You can check out updated pictures of the construction site here.

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2. Speaking of soccer...wait, that wasn't soccer....

The USA got drilled Wednesday by the Germans in our final road tune-up before the World Cup by the score of 4-1. Lucky for us, Germany brought their entire first team and we used mainly a bunch of scrubs, so I'm not as worried as some people will be.

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3. Speaking of the USA getting drilled...

Japan won the inaugural World Baseball Craptastic. A surprising number of people actually watched this event and it made between $10-15 million. Amazing. The USA finished a fantastic 3-3, losing games to Canada, South Korea and Mexico. I found it nice to know that we have invented another game (let's not forget USA Basketball) that the rest of the world kicks our ass in. Next thing you know our football teams are going to be getting killed by people from Singapore. Okay, that's not going to happen, I know, but maybe someday it will. I'll admit that I did catch a little of the championship game and a little of the Japan-USA tilt in the second round. I must say, these others countries (and their fans) really got into this thing. I guess it may have just been that our players and fans were too arrogant to care?

This, my friends, is the primary reason that the rest of the world hates us!

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4. Speaking of getting drilled....

Ohio State basketball. Now there's a debacle, eh? Not only did the Buckeyes get spanked by a Big East middle of the pack team in the Georgetown Hoyas in the second round (as a #2 seed mind you,) but the LADY Buckeyes, a #1 seed, went down in the second round as well. They lost to Boston College, a #8 seed. This was just the 6th #1 seed in Women's tournament history to go down before the Sweet 16. Unreal.

Thankfully, we have the best recruiting class (for the men) in the country, so this year may have just been a teaser anyways.

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5. Miami Hockey

After losing to Michigan State three times in the past month, including the CCHA Championship game, the Redhawks have dropped to a #2 seed for the tourney and will have to play (most likely) two Boston schools in the first two rounds. They open against #3 seed Boston College on Friday night in BC's backyard of Worcester, Mass. If we win, we'll take on the winner of Boston University and Nebraska-Omaha in that same venue on Saturday. This will likely be BU, the #1 team in the country right now. However, if NO wins, they also have the front-runner for the Hobey Baker award on their roster, which is given to the top player in college hockey. Good luck boys! I hope to see you in Milwaukee.

"Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane."
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6. While we're talking about hockey...

My beloved St. Louis Blues lost for the 48th time last night (11 of which were in OT or shootout.) Why is this significant, you ask? Because St. Louis was mathematically eliminated from playoff contention,even though they'd actually been out for a long time before that. The Blues had reached the playoffs for 25 consecutive years, which was the active streak over all professional sports. It was also the 3,000th game in franchise history.

In other Blues news, my second favorite hockey player of all time (and favorite St. Louis Blue,) Al MacInnis, will have his #2 hung in the rafters at the Savvis Center on Sunday, April 9th. Mac played the final 10 seasons of his 23 NHL seasons with St. Louis, finishing his career as the 3rd highest scoring defensemen in league history behind only Ray Bourque and Paul Coffey. He won the Norris trophy for the league's top defenseman in the 1998-99 season with the Blues and also the Conn Smythe Trophy for playoff MVP in his Stanley Cup Championship season of 1988-89 with the Calgary Flames. MacInnis had one of the hardest slap shots in NHL history, but was forced into retirement at the age of 42 when he suffered severe eye injuries, including a detached retina in 2003.

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7. Prince gets sued...it's about time, isn't it?

Carlos Boozer, former Cleveland Cavalier that became ridiculously overpaid with the Utah Jazz after playing with Lebron James, is suing Prince. Apparently the little purple weirdo was renting a house from Boozer and painted the exterior with purple stripes and put his symbol on the front of the house. Okay, so I understand wanting the tenant to return the property to it's original state when you leave it, but sue him? Come on. And here's a better question: why the hell is Prince renting a house from a basketball player for something like $15,000 a month (or so I heard?) Don't you think he could just BUY with that kind of money? Hmmmm.

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8. Newsflash

This just in: Barry Bonds took steroids to break the home run record.

Also, Gary Sheffield may have started taking steroids in 2002.

Anyone who is surprised by either of these repetitious statements....WAKE UP!

Dear ESPN, Can we stop reporting about this? Please? You mean to tell me that there is nothing else that is newsworthy?

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9. K-State = CFU

Former Cincinnati Bearcats basketball coach Bobby Huggins has just been hired as head coach for the Kansas State Wildcats. K-State was already full of thugs, now they will be the new Convicted Fellon University. Awesome. At least an Ohio school won't be the laughing stock of graduation rates anymore.

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10. March Madness

Since my bracket was completely destroyed after the first day, I am now rooting for all of the underdogs...except one. Gonzaga. Quite frankly, I'm sick of these clowns. It's nice to see a sschool from a mid-major conference rise up and compete with the big boys, but if I hear one more announcer call them "America's team" I'm going to vomit. Seriously, they only had one year where they actually outplayed expectations. Since then, they've been kind of a disappointment. They haven't outplayed their seed since that Elite Eight run a few years back, and last night they blew a 17-point lead to lose 73-71.

I'm also very glad Duke went down, but not for the same reasons as the Duke haters. I just wanted everyone's brackets to implode since mine already had. I'll be honest, I had Duke in the finals of every single bracket I filled out, but so what? While I do get a kick out of listening to the Dukies and their fans cry like babies, I especially enjoy all the Duke haters out there that trash talk and then STILL have them in the finals of their bracket. Very amusing.

Tonight I'm rooting for Washington, Wichita State, Villanova (because I can't root for a Boston team) and Georgetown.

The Sixth Cents IV

It wasn't a very interesting week. No touchdown dances from Chad Johnson. No crazy drunk girls or psycho ex-girlfriend sitings. No World Cup drama to speak of, unless you count the guy selling the slips from the draw on eBay and possibly getting sued by FIFA. Here you go kids, the best I could come up with for my six cents...
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1. Easily the best story out of Houston this year
Standard practice with any company, no matter what the industry, is a yearly meeting with the big boss man to discuss the year that was, the upcoming year and also any individual goals that need to be set. (No, not that Big Boss Man, although, how fun would THAT be?) Last spring, apparently Astros Owner Drayton McLane asked starting pitcher Roy Oswalt what his goals were. The response? He wanted to own a bulldozer.

The deal: if Oswalt beat St. Louis in the NLCS, the Astros would help him achieve that goal. In October, Oswalt completely dismantled the Cardinals and yesterday McLane made good on his promise, delivering a $200,000 Caterpillar D6N XL bulldozer via flatbed tractor-trailer to the Minute Maid Ballpark parking lot, complete with a big red bow.

"There are going to be a lot of jealous people around where I live," Oswalt said. Like most of the state of Texas, Roy. Actually, I'm kinda jealous. I would love to drive a bulldozer.
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2. Polar Bear hatred
Some of you have probably clicked on my link to Deadspin.com. It's an absolutely off the wall sports news website that I thoroughly enjoy. Many of the things I write I about, I find on there or on ESPN. I've even had a story of mine published over there.

For some time they've been running a "best sports blog" feature where they give props to the best team related fan blogs. Lately, they've been running the anti-blogs and today was the Chicago Bears turn. Apparently while searching for these, they came across a dude who really hates polar bears. Like, actual polar bears. I've yet to find the video he's referring to, but it sounds as though a Japanese person visiting the zoo got mauled by a polar bear.

Here is the original post that made me pee my pants, Miles Davis style:

So it's about friggin' time the rest of the world clues in on why polar bears suck. I saw this episode on the hitler channel about them. They're one of the few animals out there that have no fear of humans. It said they don't run off like other animals, they'll come right up and devour you.

See, most times if you get a human around a critter, they'll race off. See: snakes. See: spiders. Polar bears? They couldn't care less. They'll come up and rip you apart without thinking twice. Mmm, yummy food!

Back to the video. That looks like another weirdo Japanese show. I thought the bear would break through the glass and rip her apart. Well, first it would rip apart the stuffed animal seal, then get pissed off because it was tricked, then go after the girl, the camera guy, the head of the aquarium, his family, his next door neighbors, etc.

It sucks because Coca Cola had that cute polar bear campaign several years ago. So now everyone thinks polar bears are cute and cuddily. The truth? Polar bears are SCARY, and they all need to be put down. Run them all over with the Deathmobile from Animal House. That'll show those cuddily fuckers who runs this place.

A couple of responses went like this:

1. What the fuck?... Do you live next to a population of polar bears? That's the most random, stupidest shit I've ever heard...

2. That was so fucking schizo and random, I shit my pants laughing so hard...You should start a shoot the polar bears website

To which the original poster said this:

A polar bear once asked me to let him cheat off me. He had a HUGE neck, so it would have been quite easy for him to crane his neck and peer over at my Geology exam while pretending to take his own (Rocks for Jocks is an awesome class. We had 400 people in it, including most of the football and basketball teams). I said no, I had busted my ass studying for this and I wasn't about to let some big furry shithead steal my glory. So what does he do? He has sex with my girlfriend. He later told me he did it not to spite me, but because he liked girls with junk in their trunk.

Yet another reason polar bears should be gathered up as little pups, tied in a large burlap sack, and then deposited in a gypsy caravan. Gypsies eat anything, and they always pay you with rainbows.
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3. NBA freak show face-off
We all know Ron Artest's past (I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt Hot Heather) so I'm skipping all that. Recently he asked to be traded, stating that the Pacers would be better off without him. Now, realizing that it'll be tough to make a deal under the salary cap and that Larry Bird and Co. stood by him despite the melee that ensued at The Palace last fall, he wants to come back to the team.

Magic Johnson, who should probably have kept his fat ass out of it, chimed in saying that Artest doesn't deserve a second chance.

Not to be outdone, Artest, of course, responded. "Magic, should your wife give you another chance?"

Ouch.

I think I would like to change my answer to the "Who are the three people (dead or alive) that you'd like to have dinner with?" interview question. Ron Artest, Bobby Knight and Terrell Owens. Preferably all at the same table. And can we get some members of the media to join us?
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4. Playing for all the Chips - Take 3
Some of you may be surprised that I haven't mentioned the Fiesta Bowl yet. Don't fret. There will be a full preview next week and also likely a lengthy wrap-up after tOSU disposes of the drunken Irish.

After the early line was set at tOSU -6 1/2, it's already dropped to -4. Apparently the idiot Notre Dame fans think they are actually going to win this one. Interesting. Most of the experts seem to disagree, though, out of respect for Charlie Weis they seem to be saying that it will be close. Maybe it will be.

Personally, I say give the points. This has all the makings of a great game, but could very easily turn into an "I told you so." I originally said two touchdowns, but my actual prediction will come next week.
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5. Miracle On Ice (if none of the USA players keel over)
USA Hockey announced the roster for the upcoming Olympic games this February in Turin.

Although there are 12 first-time Olympians, the roster is a little over the hill. In fact, the average age of the team is over 31. Chris Chelios is 44. One of my favorite American hockey players, and current St. Louis Blues' forward, Keith Tkachuk made the roster despite missing most of this current season for three reasons. First, he was suspended for showing up to camp overweight. Then he missed a couple of games after getting hit in the stomach with a puck. Now he's out with a broken hand.

Back in 1980, Herb Brooks' squad had an average age of 21 and even those kids got banged up. Seems to me that we have a better chance of seeing one of these guy's limbs fall off than seeing them on the gold medal podium.
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6. Ohio sports report
The Miami hockey team is on brief hiatus for the holidays, but is standing pat at #2 in the country. They will play Rensselaer on the 29th and either tOSU or Holy Cross the following day depending on the outcome of both games. Go Skins!

The Browns continued to ruin our draft pick hopes by winning yet another game, 9-7 over the Raiders. In retrospect, beating Al Davis is always a good thing since he and Art Modell are butt-buddies. Good news: I found out that the Chicago Browns Backers watch the games every Sunday just two blocks from my house at the Cubby Bear. I think I'll watch the big games there from now on instead of with the Bungal fans at Gongolapad.

The Ohio State basketball programs are also doing well. The men are 7-0 and ranked #22 and #24 respectively in the Coaches and AP polls after beating a tough Iowa State team on the road. The Lady Bucks dropped to #7 after losing to the #3 LSU Tigers.

I'd like to state for the record, that the Cincinnasty Bungals have only five playoff wins in their entire history and no championships of any kind. Basically, even though they just clinched the AFC North, the Bengals still suck.

The Sixth Cents - XI

Welcome to the regular return of Six Cents. In this week's edition we will dig further into the soccer world as I continue to wrap my entire life around the sport. Nash is probably glad he's moving out soon, in a few months I think it might be a little out of control. We will also discuss the opening of baseball season as the Indians begin their quest for their first World Series title since 1948. However, we will not discuss 24. I have updated my 24 thoughts entry from last week, so hopefully I won't get called out for not having 24 ACTUAL thoughts anymore. Also, Karen has her weekly report, which should do. I especially liked her line, "Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer kills people." Classic. On with the post...
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1. Time to update the NCAA list

After one of the most exciting first four rounds in NCAA Tournament history, the Final Four and Championship games were complete duds. So boring. I suppose to a Gators fan, this is probably not the case. As I found out from one of my lurkers that spoke up this afternoon, people actually TIVOed this thing and watched it again the same night!

Now, I did this when Ohio State won the Fiesta Bowl over Miami back in January of 2003, but that was also the first championship any team I support has ever won in my lifetime. Plus, by all accounts, it was one of the most exciting National Championship games ever played.

Last night? I was busy watching 24 and then flipped over to watch Law & Order. I only came back during the commercials to see the score and from what I saw it was pretty much the least exciting game of the tournament.

However, the Florida Gators have officially become the 9th school to win a championship in both football and basketball, joining Ohio State, Michigan, Michigan State, UCLA, Stanford, Arkansas, Maryland and Syracuse. They came just short of completing the holy trinity of college sports too, losing the College World Series to Texas last spring. Congrats Gators, but MAN is that Noah kid UGLY!
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2. The Tribe, Indians, This is My Team!

After getting railroaded by the thunderstorms that shook Chicago, and those pesky White Sox, in Sunday's Opening Night game, the wig-wamers put the screws to Freddy Garcia this afternoon at U.S. Comiskullar Field, 8-2. Jake Westbrook looked good and the bullpen was much better than they were in Sunday's loss. Rafael Betancourt was solid over 1.2 IP and the big question mark from the off season moves, Guillermo Mota, put the Sox away quietly in the ninth.

Offensively, it's nice to see that two of the boys that really struggled all of last season are getting off to better starts in 2006. Aaron Bleeping Boone went 4-5 with a 2B, HR, 2 runs scored and 4 RBI. Casey Blake went 2-2 with 3 walks, a run scored and an RBI. He is currently on pace to league the entire major leagues with 324 walks. Of course, it's still early.

On the flip side, it looks like Jim Thome is healthy and still at the top of his game. Too bad we weren't able to bring him back to Cleveland this winter. He has gone deep off of Tribe pitching for the second straight game.
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3. Newest of the New

The New Jersey Devils signed Miami University Redhawks senior defenseman Andy Greene to a free agent contract today. He was able to avoid the draft because in the NHL you have to be drafted by the age of 19. If you aren't, then you are free to sign on with any team that will negotiate with you when you are good and ready.
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4. The Globe Pub FC

Before we get into the weekend of the actual Chicago Fire soccer team, our office/The Globe Pub played our second match in our co-ed league on Sunday afternoon. Of course, for me this was following two hours of practice with my club team, Arsenal, so I was pretty drained. I didn't feel it in my lungs, which is a nice change of pace, but my legs were pretty heavy after some conditioning drills with the boys.

Plus, I was forced to play out of position again, although this time I slid into the center midfield roll and did fairly well. Of course, the team we played against, "Meanies," were actually a bunch of punkers complete with piercings, tattoos and all black uniforms including long cargo shorts. They weren't highly skilled, save for the one "normal looking" Mexican playing defense for them. They were very scary and we were short on girls so we had to play the entire game down one player.

After falling behind 1-0 we managed to claw back for a 2-1 victory. Our record stands at 1-0-1 after a nil-nil draw with an Irish bar the week before. Our team is comprised of mostly old drunk Brits, so I'll be surprised if we can run the table without the help of the folks in our office. Only two of us showed up this week, Kristen and myself. This week's game is also after a practice with Arsenal, so we'll see how I fare. I recovered much better this week, which means I'm getting back into proper fitness.

You know what that means...Hutch's stronghold on the Triathlon Poll might be coming apart.
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5. The club formerly known as the Burn

FC Dallas took down our boys on Saturday in the first game since I joined the club. We actually led 1-0 and 2-1 before the defense completely caved in and blew the game. So, as it stands, we now trail in the annual Brimstone Cup race, which is awarded to the team that wins the season series between FC Dallas and Chicago Fire Soccer. It's called the Brimstone Cup because originally Dallas was designated as our "rival" and they were called the Dallas Burn. Now we are in different divisions and they dropped the "Burn" so it doesn't make any damn sense. Traditions never die though. Our fans still hate Dallas more than anyone, it's quite amusing. Below is the new logo, along with a scarf that our supporters, Section 8, have for sale on their website. Good stuff.













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6. We had ourselves a nice little Saturday...

Amy and I headed to The Globe Pub for the game on Saturday after I got back from refereeing High School Girls Soccer in Buffalo Grove. (We get older, they stay the same age...) We walked in and the place was a mad house. The front room looked to be all off-duty cab drivers watching the Barcelona-Real Madrid match. The back room was packed with Chicago Fire supporters. Insane. After a couple of beers, some tasty burgers, and a near brawl between one of our staff members and an asshole "fan," we headed out of there.

BUT, after making her sit through her first soccer hooligan ordeal, and the first of two final four games, I agreed to go see a movie with her instead of watching the LSU-UCLA game with the guys up at Gongolapad. We went downtown to see "Failure to Launch" at the River East AMC 21. We also drove. Two monumental mistakes as we would later discover. First of all, it was $19 for tickets...ridiculous! Plus, we figured since they validate that it would be cheaper than us both taking the train or a cab. Wrong. It was $10 for parking AFTER validating. Absurd.

When the movie was over, Amy just looked at me and said, "I'm sorry." Just so I'm on record here, do NOT go see this movie. Terrible. At least it was over and we could go home now. Not so much.

We went down the huge escalator and stood in line for the machine to pay for parking, only it wouldn't read our ticket. Neither would the next one. Aww hell, none of them would read our ticket. Annoyed, I went back upstairs to the box office to ask what I should do. They sent me up two floors to guest services. Guest services was not the place to go, as they quickly said to go in the elevator all the way down to L1 and talk to the people in the parking office. When we stepped out onto L1, there was no parking office. We had to search for it. Finally, after being sent all over creation and wandering aimlessly through a parking garage for over a half hour, we were "allowed" to pay our $10 so we could leave. No apologies, no discount for their absurdity and our inconvenience, nothing.

Needless to say, Amy was getting her first real experience dealing with "Completely Annoyed Cap," which is a close relative to "Angry Cap." She tried to call me down by being all cute while we were waiting for the elevator so we could go back up to the floor that our car was on. Anyone who really knows me could tell you that these things don't really work with me. I just need to walk away, be pissed for 10 minutes, and then I'm fine. I would have been fine, but then the little intercom in the elevator lobby started making noises and I jokingly said something to the effect of, "suck it."

Within nanoseconds, the intercom spoke up, "Excuse me, sir?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Can I help you with something?"

"Nope. You people have helped me out enough tonight, thanks."

At this point, Amy got annoyed with me and we had our first real disagreement. All is well now though, she came over last night to watch Jack Bauer kill people.

The Sixth Cents IX

There wasn't very much controversy during the past two weeks in sports unless you count the American Olympic teams falling flat on their collective faces (for the most part.) Here's to hoping that hottie Sasha Cohen shakes her little ass today, kicks a little ass, and lands the USA a gold medal that Michelle Kwan could never deliver. Aside from that, here are some things that I've noticed since last time and a couple of things that I didn't...thank God.
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1. Rough week on the ice
Miami University dropped a pair of games at Michigan State over the weekend and fell to #3 in the nation as a result. The Spartans jumped from #10 all the way to #5 after hard fought 3-2 and 3-1 victories over the Redhawks. Miami has always struggled up in East Lansing, but had already clinched the CCHA regular season title and a #1 seed for the Road to the Joe. Minnesota and Wisconsin are now ranked #1 and #2 with Boston University rounding out the top five at #4. Miami will travel to Bowling Green on Thursday before finishing at home against those same BGSU Falcons on Saturday night. They have earned a first round bye and will have home ice advantage for their second round CCHA playoff match-up. They will host the lowest remaining seed after the bottom eight teams duke it out during the first week in March.

Team USA hockey backed into the medal round today after Latvia lost 5-2 to Kazakhstan today. The Americans (1-3-1) finished the opening round with a 5-4 loss to Russia this afternoon and will take on Pool A winner Finland tomorrow. The Fins finished the opening round at 5-0, posting shuts in four of their five games. In allowing just two goals all tournament, they have a +17 goal differential and have scored the second-most goals only to Russia's 23. The US, which hasn't played poorly by any means, has three one-goal losses and failed to score more than a goal against both Slovakia and Sweden.

The St. Louis Blues, despite not playing a single game due to the NHL's Olympic break, has managed to lose six more games. I give them exactly a 0% chance of keeping their all sports record of consecutive years in the playoffs streak going beyond 25. At least some of our great players that we traded away (more like gave away for 6 cents on the dollar) are turning in great performances in the Winter Games. Pavol Demitra (the top player in +/- in the Olympics at +10) has 2 goals and 5 assists for Slovakia, Chris Pronger has 1 goal and 2 assists for Canada, Craig Conroy has 1 goal and 3 assists for the USA and Doug Weight has even chipped in an assist for the Americans. Current Blue Keith Tkachuk has no points, but has uncharacteristically stayed away from the penalty box, getting just 2 minutes thus far.
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2. I wish I was a little bit taller yawl
The NBA All-Star game and slam dunk competition were played this past weekend in Houston, Texas. Did anyone else NOT notice? I didn't catch one second of either event, but did manage to completely ignore the Rookie Challenge when we were out at the bars the other night. Instead I proceeded to get drunk with Amy and her cousins, as well as some of the crew, over at McGees. Then I ate some tiny sausages on Saturday night (thanks for the pics Pablo) and relaxed with a movie and some pizza on Sunday. All great ways to avoid the NBA.

Apparently I missed the 5'9" Nate Robinson, who won the slam dunk title after missing 246 dunks and putting down just 2. Andre Iguodala, who I wanted the Bulls to draft instead of Ben Gordon, was robbed after, allegedly, throwing down one of the best dunks of all-time. He caught a pass from Allen Iverson off the back of the backboard before gliding underneath the basket (yet in the air) and putting down a reverse slam on the other side. Crazy. Wish I'd seen it. Wait a minute. No I don't.

I guess if you're a midget and you can dunk they just give it to you automatically, huh? Or was it because he plays for the Knicks and the NBA has to give them SOMETHING this year since Isiah Thomas has ruined their team completely? Speaking of Isiah, Bill Simmons posted his awards for the All-Star weekend here, and the best was clearly the one below. For those of you who don't follow the NBA, Thomas religiously outbids himself for free agents, far overpaying for "me-first" type players like Jamal Crawford, Eddy Curry, Jalen Rose, Stephon Marbury, etc. He was also recently accused of sexual harassment by a former Knicks front office employee.

Best Joke That I Heard More Than Once This Weekend
Some variation of this one: "Did you hear that Anucha Browne Sanders wanted to settle with the Knicks for $2 million, but Isiah countered with $50 million over six years?
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3. Round Ball Report
The US Men's Soccer Team trounced another vastly inferior opponent en route to their World Cup appearance this summer. This time they burried Guatemala in Frisco, Texas by the score of 4-0. The goals were scored by Chris Klein, Ben Olsen, Brian Ching and Eddie Johnson. As good as it is to see the Americans dominate against this type of competition, that's what they should be doing. I think it'd be nice to get more tune-ups overseas against the top European teams that we could be facing if we advance past the opening round against the Czechs, Italians and Ghanans.

There are some bright spots to the domestic based matches though, including a look at some young players who are battling for the final roster spots. Right now, my 23-man roster would look something like this:

G Kasey Keller
G Joe Cannon
G Marcus Hahnemann
D Eddie Pope
D Steve Cherundolo
D Carlos Bocanegra
D Frankie Hejduk
D Cory Gibbs
D Oguchi Onyewu
D Gregg Berhalter
D/M Eddie Lewis
D/M Bobby Convey
M Claudio Reyna
M Landon Donovan
M DeMarcus Beasley
M Pablo Mastroeni
M Chris Klein
M Pat Noonan
M John O'Brien
F Brian McBride
F Eddie Johnson
F Taylor Twellman
F Josh Wolff

And yes, that is Heidi Klum, co-host for the World Cup Draw in Leipzig, Germany on December 9, 2005.
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4. Cry me a River
Did anyone else see the latest Vijay Singh controversy? This guy cries more than a four year old girl. It's no secret that Vijay has never liked Tiger Woods. Then he bad-mouthed Annika Sorenstam for trying to play in a PGA event, suggesting that he should be allowed to play in the LPGA too. This is, of course, absurd because the LPGA only permits women. The PGA, on the other hand, is not a men's tour, it's a tour for the best golfers in the world, period. Who cares if she plays as long as she has to play by the same rules?

Vijay has also had problems with fan favorite Phil Mickelson. The first of which happened at the Master's when Singh complained about the length of Mickelson's spikes. Now, according to an anonymous PGA official, Vijay requested they take a look at Phil's driver. You see, the two were paired against each other for the opening two rounds of the FBR Open this weekend and Phil routinely out drove Vijay. On average, he was 6.1 yards longer on Thursday and 15.4 yards longer on Friday. Of course, this had to be the driver. Or maybe Phil got some Vitamin B from Miguel Tejada, just like Rafael Palmeiro.
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5. The real reason 24 has me on the edge of my seat - SPOILER
It's been, what, 7-8 episodes already and still no Elisha Cuthbert? In the words of John McEnroe, "You can NOT be SERIOUS!" They even totally teased us a couple of weeks back by having Jack talk to Audrey about calling her and getting her into CTU before she found out on her own that her father was alive. My prediction: This new crazy terrorist guy (Bierko) from last night is going to try to figure out who was helping Nathanson and killing his men. When he finds out it was Jack, he'll go after his daughter, kidnap her and then BAM, we have an Elisha Cuthbert sighting. I'm thinking it won't be next week, but it's definitely coming in the next 2-4 episodes. For those of you, like me, who can't wait to see her, here she is. Enjoy.
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6. The Miami of Ohio State University
I've already mentioned the hockey disaster, but both Miami and Ohio State's hoopsters fared well this weekend. The Buckeyes knocked off Northwestern 61-52 on Saturday and will travel to #16 Michigan State tomorrow night. Ohio State (8-4, 19-4) is currently in a three-way tie for second place in the Big Ten just a half-game behind Iowa (9-4, 20-7.) After MSU the Buckeyes will finish off the regular season against Michigan, at Northwestern, and Purdue.

Miami (11-3, 15-8) has two key match-ups this week after getting their 6th straight victory at home against Illinois State on Saturday. They currently sit in 3rd place in the MAC East behind Akron (12-2, 19-6) and Kent State (12-2, 19-7.) However, the Redhawks will play at home against the Zips and then at the Golden Flashes tomorrow and Saturday. The division title and #1 MAC tournament seed should be wrapped up with a pair of victories as the Miami boys finish the season against bottom-feeders Bowling Green and Buffalo.

Finally, the Lady Buckeyes absolutely destroyed the #14 Michigan State Spartans over the weekend 69-38. Ohio State (13-1, 23-2) is currently ranked #7 and would clinch the Big Ten championship with a win at home against #10 Purdue (12-2, 21-4) on Thursday night.

The Sixth Cents VI

I've been on a week-long New Year's/Bowl Game bender and I'm running on fumes. I've also decided that Six Cents will no longer be a weekly post, there just isn't enough good sports gossip during some weeks to get six quality topics. Instead, I'll be doing it twice per month on the first and third Tuesdays. I have also added some bloggers to the blogroll on the right as well as started a list of my favorite links. Today we'll have a good sized recap of the Fiesta Bowl and then some short personal absurdities from the past week in this weeks addition...
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1. I'm not one to say I told you so, but...HOW 'BOUT DEM BUCKEYES!?!?

Let's break this sucker down quickly based on my previous predictions from last Tuesday.

Notre Dame on offense
I got this one right, although I was a little off on the tactics. Very interesting approach by Jim Tressell that I hadn't really thought of. They actually seemed to be allowing the Irish to run the football as Darius Walker had 3 rushing touchdowns and averaged over 5.5 yards per carry. Unfortunately for Notre Dame, Charlie Weiss (the most brilliant offensive mind in the history of the world according to Brent "I hate the Buckeyes" Musberger) couldn't figure that out. He wanted to throw and throw and throw.

But, just as predicted, the Irish didn't dominate in the air like most football analysts thought they would. Quinn threw the ball 45 times, his second highest total of the season only to the 60 he put up in a loss to Michigan State. This was also the only time all season Quinn was held without a touchdown pass. tOSU's DBs played physical and only allowed a couple of plays to get into the seems downfield. They were swarming to the ball and didn't allow any running room after the catch. Everything was kept in front of them and Brady Quinn was frustrated and running for his life most of the afternoon. Defensive MVP AJ Hawk was a one man wrecking crew. I can't imagine how different the game plan would have been if Bobby Carpenter was available. I really hope that Mike D'Andrea, John Kerr, Marcus Freeman and James Laurinaitis can fill the gap the three seniors are leaving next year and give us a shot at a national title.

Ohio State on Offense
I wish I had written this because it is so dead on; last week I told a co-worker that ND's defense was "pedestrian at best." Holy crap did we expose their lack of speed. I really didn't think Tressell would take chances downfield the way he did, but Smith completed TD passes of 56 to Ginn and 85 to Holmes. They used the read-option package to near-perfection, but in the second half went to more traditional sets in efforts to grind the clock. Pittman did his typical grinding out of the tough yards and then was rewarded with a 60-yard TD run that seeled the deal in the final minutes. Ginn also broke a 68-yard run on an end-around. Troy Smith was remarkable. He was the Offensive MVP and will now be an early 2006 Heisman candidate after helping the Buckeyes complete 8 of 12 3rd down conversions including a 3rd-and-9 and a 3rd-and-11 during the final drive of the game.

Special Teams
The Buckeyes performed somewhat subpar in this aspect of the game, but fortunately it didn't hurt them like it did against Michigan. Two blocked field goals made me a little nervous, but Houston had kickoffs flying out of end zones and Fitzpatrick of Notre Dame flat out missed a PAT. What a bum.

Coaches
I actually underestimated our boy in the sweater vest and I would like to apologize for that. I don't know how I called this even. Jimmy completely out-foxed the "guru" most of the day. I think one of the biggest plays early on was Weiss' decision to go for it on 4th and 2 from inside the Buckeye 10. AJ Hawk came busting through and hammered Quinn for a drive-ending sack and momentum would be ours for pretty much the rest of the way. Then, with the Buckeyes basically letting Notre Dame run the ball, Weiss refused the handout and kept trying to pass on an overloaded and hard-hitting secondary. Big mistake.

Final Score
34-20. I've been saying for three weeks that tOSU would win by two touchdowns. Nobody believed me, not even my fellow Ohioans. After watching this game and analyzing the stat break-downs, this could have been even uglier than it was. Congrats to the Buckeyes on a great win. Here's to rolling back down to Tempe in '07...we own that place and this time we could be playing for all the chips...again.
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2. Party like it's 1999.

Kudos to my "big brother"on the party of the year. If asked which year, one could answer, "both." Seriously, well done. For those of you who missed it, it was one for the ages. It had a classy grown-up feel at times with party favors, food, and even torches out front to keep the people outside warm. Other times it felt like a crowded late night bar. Awesome. People were making out like it was going out of style and I had to break up a fight over a spilled beer. "How dare you spill a beer on the Gongola's floor!" - John P.

Lizak, classy as always, threw a champagne bottle into the street (which I got blamed for) and then stuffed his hand into a pot of meatballs and licked it clean. He then almost threw up in my sister's car, but managed to get out in time to walk it off and then hurled into my kitchen sink instead.

The little brown buddy made his usual surprise guest appearance and after meeting a nice Indian girl said, "I only like white girls." That's just how he rolls, gotta respect it.

I made the obligatory 523 drunk dials from 3:00-4:00 am and considered "Who's your buddy"-ing Nash. I thought better of it since the Nurse stayed over and had to work early.
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3. Debauchery

After the Buckeyes game yesterday, the plan was to get home and sleep. The plan failed miserably when I got a call from Graham (on the right.) He was in town visiting his girlfriend and I met them out for what was supposed to be a couple of beers. Hours later G was practically carrying her out of there and I was left to close the bar down and head to the next watering hole with my new friend and fellow no-limit soldier, "Iowa." Make 'em say "ughhhhhh." I got home around 6:00 this morning with just enough time to shower and get ready for work. I am currently ready to fall asleep at my desk.
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4. Battle of the Deadities (at least they will be soon!)

For those of you with nothing to do tonight, head on over to Gongolapad for some leftover beer and watch the Orange Bowl. Hopefully the Big Ten can get it's 3rd win of the bowl season (in seven games, pathetic) when 352-year old Joe Paterno's Lions take on 347-year old Bobby Bowden's 'Noles. I hate them both. And I will likely be asleep by 5:15 this evening so don't count on seeing me there.
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5. You Gotta have Goals!

I've always been against New Year's Resolutions, but I'm going to set a couple of goals for myself for the upcoming year.

-Make a decision about my career. No more of this I'm going back to school I'm not going crap. I want a solid decision made by the middle of March.
-Get back in shape. I lost 18 pounds this summer on the bike and playing soccer, then I put about 10 back on once it got cold. I finally bought a trainer so I can ride and I want to start running again. Once the spring hits I'd like to join a gym and start swimming so I can try to do a triathlon this summer.
-Cooking. I am sick of eating out and spending all of my money on food. I want to cook at like 5 nights a week and make my lunch 3-4 days a week. I also want to learn to cook something new every other week. I need more diversity in that department.
-Drinking. Time to slow down...a bit. I'm not a quitter, but I need to scale back so I can accomplish my next goal.
-Sleep. I need to start getting to bed at a decent hour. No more of these 4 hour night sleeps before a long day at work.
-Save up money for big purchase. If I decide to go back to school, I want to buy a new laptop this spring. If I decide not to go to school, it's either a new bike (this summer) and/or finally buying a place here in Chicago by spring of 2007.

There are definitely other things on my list, but I want to be realistic about these goals and make sure I focus on just a few so I can succeed in all of them.
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6. Obligatory reference to The Miami of Ohio State University

Miami Hockey won the Ohio Hockey Classic in Columbus this weekend after beating RPI in OT and then the Buckeyes in the final by a shootout. It was the second consecutive year tOSU lost their own holiday tournament in a shootout to the #2 team in the nation. Last year it was Colorado College. With that tournament win, Miami remains ranked #2 in the country, but we continue to lose ground on Wisconsin after two ties and one overtime win in the past four games.

If anyone is interested, I'm thinking about heading to South Bend to see our boys take on the Drunken Irish on January 13th. Let me know...

Buckeye hoops moved to 10-0 after a come-back win over LSU and yet another game-winning three pointer by Matt Sylvester. If you remember, it was young Matthew who burried the Illini in the regular season finale last spring, hanging U of I their first loss of the season.