8th grade St. Ignatius girls' basketball...

...it's FANNNNNN-tastic.

I have a dilemma that needs solving and I'm going to ask for some advice. It cuts at the very root of my sports fan soul.

I have no NBA team to follow.

"Born along the polluted shores of the Cuyahoga river..." I didn't like basketball as a kid. I just didn't. I loved Mark Price, but when his career up and vanished like a fart in the wind, I just stopped watching altogether. The rest of the Cavs? Never got hooked like I did with the Browns, Indians and Buckeyes.

When my first good job offer out of college was to work for the Chicago Bulls, I jumped at the chance. I spent a good 2 1/2 years there and had a ton of fun even though the team was abysmal. I have remained friends with a few of the people that work there and go back to catch a few games from time to time.

People from Cleveland always used to ask me, "How can you work for the Bulls? How can you love that team after what Jordan did to us?" Well, he didn't do shit to me. Yes, it sucked having our collective stomachs punched in again (a recurring theme in the Cleveland sports scene since 1964.) But, to me, it wasn't quite like the Browns giving up "The Drive" to Elway or "The (Byner) Fumble."

I've often equated working for a front office to playing professional sports in this respect: career wise, you have to go where the best job is. It wasn't until I experienced this that I understood free agency completely. That's why I'm not working in sports anymore, I didn't want to leave Chicago. But it's also similar in that you get completely wrapped up in a team, whether you like it or not, and you can't help but root for them. You want to be a part of a championship, you want that ring, you want that huge bonus every year. In much the same way, I dumped the Columbus Crew of Major League Soccer the second I got an internship for D.C. United (okay, so it took a couple of weeks that time.) Point being, you just get overwhelmed.

With the way I left the Bulls and how I've been treated both personally and professionally by certain members of that organization since, I can no longer root for them. For one, I don't want the friends I have left getting championship rings while I sit there and say, "that could have been me." But I also can't go back to my hometown team after renouncing them the way I did. When I took the job with the Bulls I publicly slammed the Cavs and burned that bridge down. Let's be honest here for a second though. I didn't root for them as a kid, but I didn't exactly root against them either. They were still a Cleveland team, mind you. I just thought basketball was boring. Perhaps it was because I was a skinny little white kid.

Now I'm left without a basketball team to root for. Who should it be? If you want to make an argument for your team, I'd be glad to read them. For now, let's attempt to go through the NBA teams and see what we can come up with. I'll also, just for fun, put these teams in order by who I think has the most likely chance of winning the title this year.

1. San Antonio Spurs - I have a fraternity brother, Grilliot, that lives in SA and another that worships them, Levison. Seems like too much of a fair-weathered move.

2. Detroit Pistons - Nope. I hate all things Michigan, have we forgotten this?

3. Indiana Pacers - My friend Em works there, and she's a Buckeye fan so she is clearly trustworthy. I actually love how pathologically insane Ron Artest is. This is a possibility. Here is an excerpt from a recent Sports Guy article that made me love him even more:
(Highlight of my Clippers season so far: During a stoppage in the second half, Ron Artest was standing right near us by the 3-point line, with the name of his record album carved in the back of his head, of course. So somebody screamed out, "Hey Ron, I bought your album ... IT [STUNK]!!!!!" First, everyone giggled. Then we quickly realized that he might charge into the stands and inexplicably beat the hell out of one of us. So Ron turns around, searches the faces to see who yelled at him, finally finds the guy ... and gives him a big wink. High comedy. I like Ron Artest. He's my favorite NBA player who was ever suspended for a season for attacking a fan.)

4. Dallas Mavericks - Another fraternity brother - from TCU, who we call Calli - lives there. I do like Mark Cuban, although for stupid reasons. This is what you get when Joe Blow Sports Fan gets rich quicklyoff the dot com world and actually gets out before the market crashes. Possible team, though not likely.

5. Miami Heat - I love the Big Diesel and Wade is a Chicago boy. Still, I can't get behind anything from Florida.

6. Phoenix Suns - I have a buddy, Tic, that loves these clowns. Due to his extreme lack of self-control and tact, I can't bring myself to agree with him under any circumstances.

7. Cleveland Cavaliers - Already mentioned.
Warning: "His Airness" V. "King James" posting is in the works.

8. Minnesota Timberwolves - This could be the one. Wally "World" plays there so I'm naturally drawn. So sick of their inconsistency though. If Wally gets traded, as has been the rumor for years, this would be short lived too. (Random thought: Did anyone else notice that the two most famous, and recent, Miami sports figures have impossibly long and difficult to spell last names? Szczerbiak and Roethlisberger.)

9. LA Clippers - What? The Clippers at #9? Yup. But why would a Clevelander ever root for a team from LA or NY? Doesn't that go against the principals of every small market fan?

10. Philadelphia 76ers - Wow. Another potential team here. Always loved A.I. even though I typically can't stand the thugs of the NBA. (Seriously, name one superstar thug that has guided his team to a title. Can't do it, can you?) He played for the USA in the Olympics when no other superstar would and he always sells out his body for the good of the team. During my summer in D.C. I lived in Georgetown during the Sixers-Lakers finals. Good times.

11. Chicago Bulls - They are still my default team unless I am able to find a suitor. I think this team is still one year and one dominant scorer away from contending. Kudos to John Paxson for coming up with a brilliant plan and having the balls to stick to it.

12. Milwaukee Bucks - Ha. The land of cheese. Sorry buddy, I'm lactose intolerant.

13. Memphis Grizzlies - Did you know that the Grizzlies owners had two other cities in mind when they were moving out of Canada? St. Louis and Chicago. Reinsdorf blocked the possibility of a second Chicago team even though they would have gotten buried and moved again anyways. The NBA blocked St. Louis for some reason. Saturated market I believe they said. Too bad, they'd have been the pick either way.

14. Denver Nuggets - John Elway. Nuf said. The Broncos traditionally have VERY hot cheerleaders, but we aren't talking about the Broncos here. I also hear the nickname for this place is Dudever so I'm assuming the girls may be hot, but there are far too few of them.

15. Washington Wizards - Another potential team since I lived in D.C., but they'd have a better shot if Mike had never come out of retirement to play there and they were still the called the Bullets.

16. Golden State Warriors - A bunch of chuckers. They don't actually play so much "basketball" as they do stand around and heave horrible shots up. It's players like this that have led to the downfall of the NBA as we know it.

17. New Jersey Nets - My friend from college, Jersey Sue, loves this team (clearly she is from there.) She adopted the Bulls when I worked for them, so I may have to adopt the Nets in return. This actually seems like a good choice, of course, until they move into NYC and I have to hate them for eternity.

18. Sacramento Kings - I like Peja. During the days when the Kings and Lakers used to battle it out, I always thought the Kings were a bunch of whiners. We don't like whiners. And yes, that says whiners, not winners. I understand that I don't root for any team that wins.

19. Orlando Magic - Again, Florida is out.

20. Utah Jazz - As if it wasn't bad enough that their top player ever (Karl Malone) is captain of the All-Whiney Bitch team, they now have Carlos Boozer, who stabbed a blind man in the back. Karma coming back to getcha jackass?

21. Houston Rockets - My best friend from college, Hacksaw, lives down there. However, I won't root for a team with a selfish, offense only guy (T-Mac) and an over-hyped Chinese guy.

22. Seattle Supersonics - I kinda dig the Pacific Northwest. Now if we could just get rid of some of the liberals, the women with hairy legs and the garage bands.

23. Portland Trailblazers - Jailblazers. When your team is a drug conviction away from not winning another game this season, you don't have my vote.

24. New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets - Sorry, I'll never root for a team that abandons it's fans the way their owner did when they bolted from Charlotte.

25. LA Lakers - Gimme a break.
Although, another good comment from our friend the Sports Guy.
Next time you watch "Scarface," look for the disturbing parallels between Tony Montana's career and Kobe's career. It's borderline startling -- the meteoric rise of two superstars, followed by embarrassing trials, a healthy dose of egomania and paranoia, soul-selling turns for the worse (Manny's shocking death and the shocking Shaq trade), and the crazy symmetry of Tony's taking on an entire army of Sosa's soldiers by himself and Mamba's taking 40-45 shots a game for the 2005-06 Lakers with the worst supporting cast in the league. Is it too late to build a giant water fountain at the Staples Center for Kobe to fall into headfirst?

26. New York Knicks - Isiah sucks. Marbury sucks. Crawford and Curry suck and they are both complete idiots for not buying into the system and working hard for a couple of winners in Paxson and Skiles.

27. Charlotte Bobcats - I have no reason to love or hate this team. Hard to have an opinion of a club that just celebrated their one year anniversary.

28. Boston Celtics - Not a chance.

29. Atlanta Hawks - With me, that would bring the grand total of Hawks fans to 27. Bottom line: Atlanta sports fans are the worst in the world.

30. Toronto Raptors - Two words: Blame Canada.

So I've narrowed it down to:
Philadelphia
New Jersey
Minnesota
Indiana
Washington
Dallas

The Sixth Cents I

I'm unveiling a new post today, I hope I'm going to stick with this thing long enough to make it a regular column on my blog. Maybe it'll be every Tuesday, we'll just have to see. Bill Simmons has his More Cowbell column, Jayson Stark has Rumblings & Grumblings, and now I have "Six Cents." I'm not suggesting that I'm nearly the writer that Stark or Simmons are, hell, I just started writing a week ago.

What these columns will be about is six topics that aren't worthy of their own column, but together would form a good sized post. I'm calling it "Six Cents" because I'm notorious for giving more than my two cents about random topics. It kind of sounds like "Sixth Sense" as well, which was a fairly disturbing movie. I assure you that some of the topics will be equally disturbing.

I'm also going to keep track of these using Roman numerals much like the Super Bowl and Wrestlemania because honestly, shouldn't every recurring event be tracked with Roman numerals? Wouldn't it be great to read about my birthday party next summer and see an evite like this, "Cap's Birthday - XXVII"? Or for Christmas we could be like, "Celebrating Jesus' Birth - MMV Edition"? Or better yet, "New Year's MMVI - The Year Osama was tied to a street light in Manhattan"?

That being said, this is where I will give you shorter thoughts on a bunch of topics. It will be about the different things going on in my completely screwed up life, the most recent insanity that is going on in the sports world, and maybe even a little political sidebar just for Hutch. Here goes.....
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1. Which leads me to my next point kids, don't smoke crack.
Has everyone been keeping up with this craziness? Seems to me that Michael Irvin is getting a free pass here. Seriously people, this isn't bigger news? Does anyone remember when Rush Limbaugh made some inappropriate comments about Donovan McNabb and black quarterbacks? Didn't we talk about that for weeks?

Rush got immediately fired for making a statement that was basically true. Politically incorrect, definitely racist, but when you think of mobile quarterbacks in the NFL, what names come to mind? Mike Vick, Randall Cunningham, Donovan McNabb, Daunte Culpepper, Kordell Stewart. Okay, you probably try to forget about Kordell Stewart, but you get the point.

Limbaugh gets canned, understandably, but here is Irvin, arrested for possession of a freaking crack pipe and...nothing. There has been very little reported on the incident, he's so far kept his job, and he has even been given a place on several national TV shows to explain himself. Didn't he just get arrested in 2000 for possession of crack cocaine? Wasn't that just five years ago? Did he seriously use the line that we all used when we got caught with something we weren't supposed to have as a kid? "It's not mine, it belongs to a friend."

Okay, and what if he's telling the truth, you ask? Then he is a fucking moron, that's what. Why not just take it straight to a dumpster and throw the stupid thing away? Why would you hide it in your car? Unreal.
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2. Just like my sister said, trust the Green Weenies with beer, it's what they know.
They're at it again folks. Stupid Weenies. For those that haven't heard, Frank Solich, the first-year head coach of a 4-7 Ohio University football team, was convicted of drunk driving yesterday, but (also) not fired. This guy was apparently found passed out by the police with his car still in drive going in the wrong direction on a one-way street. Brilliant. Clearly everything we've heard about Athens, Ohio is true, there is nothing to do but drink there. Even 61-year old football coaches get blitzed out of their mind and do stupid shit. That bad of a season, Frankie? At least Solich can take solace in the fact that he isn't in the cornfields of Nebraska anymore (this coming from an Ohioan.) Do you see what I did there? Did you see it? How I made a play on words? Solich and solace? No? Okay, terrible joke.

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3. Mobile Pole
At least we know the Chicago Bears don't take after their Norris Division rival Minnesota Vikings and their sex cruise. We know this because Da Bears actually beat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on the road. As we heard Burgess Meredith say during his role as Mickey in the Rocky movies, "Women weaken legs," so they couldn't have possibly participated in "Tailgates Gone Wild" or they'd have likely stunk up the joint. But you simply can't make stuff like this up. Apparently there were a few arrests at the Bears-Bucs game in Florida last Sunday for running a strip club out of a mobile home in the parking lot. This was the fourth game they'd been to and only got caught because they were trying to be "professional" and made flyers advertising the club. Good times.
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4. Wahoo! What a finish!
I know it's not even December yet and that baseball's winter meetings will bring more moves throughout Major League Baseball than we've had so far. Does this mean I can't vent about the Tribe? Nope.

The real reason the Indians made that valient come back in the second half last season (only to come up short) was because of their pitching. This is a fact. Here are some vital Tribe stats from 2005:

3rd in team ERA
3rd in opponents batting average
1st in opponents on base percentage
2nd in fewest walks allowed
2nd in opponents slugging average
2nd in save percentage

So what's the first order of business in the offseason for our boys? Let key members of the pitching staff play elsewhere, obviously. We let Bob Howry, the most reliable bullpen guy, go to the Cubs. It also doesn't look likely for us to resign Kevin Millwood, Bob Wickman or Scott Elarton. Remind me again why we allowed a guy to buy the team that can't even afford to keep the uniforms clean? I understand that we were competitive with the 5th lowest payroll in baseball last year ($41.5 M), but you simply have to spend more than that if you want to sell tickets and still be playing ball in October.
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5. Don't Mess with Texas
Received this from a Southern Belle friend of mine, Brooke. Pretty damn funny if you ask me. Sometimes I wish I was a Texan, but then I realize that I don't own a pick-up truck or a gun. Too bad. What fun I would have.

Warning: Conservative political comment below.

If this were a pro-life rally or an anti-gay marriage demonstration and nobody showed up, I think that the liberally biased media would have been all over this. They would have made fun of Republicans everywhere and made it seem as though exactly ZERO Americans felt the same way they did.
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6. Year of the Fan.
I suppose ESPN forgot to ask the real fans what they wanted to see on their monopoly of a network. Dick Butkis in a reality show. Fake press conferences. Stuart Scott's poetry slam. ESPN Hollywood. All Yankees and Red Sox, all the time. Ridiculous movies that over dramatize how real life sports icons lived. "Stab me in the eye with a dull object because it hurts more" personalities such as Lee Corso, Dick Vitale, John Clayton, Chris Berman, Woody Paige, and Skip Bayless. I hardly think that's how we would have responded. Time for some new blood boys. Hire me.

Don't get me wrong, I love the concept of Bristol, Connecticutt. I seriously hope to run one of their channels someday. But these guys made some very good points about why ESPN, in it's current form, sucks. I don't agree with all of these 52 reasons, but I enjoyed reading all of them because it was just unbridled anger at its best. This is how we roll.

Playoffs? PLAYOFFS!?!?

The BCS Standings came out and a little better picture was painted with just one week to go. Ohio State actually placed 4th in the computer polls and gained some ground (.0087 on Va Tech and .0015 on LSU) on the two teams it would like to catch.

And get this! If USC, Texas, Virginia Tech, and LSU all lose (insert evil laugh here) then the Buckeyes could potentially get a rematch with Penn State for the National Title. Of course, that has about as much chance of happening as me successfully seducing all of my top five. For those that are curious, here are the top five as they currently stand (subject to change within the nanosecond):

1. Elisha Cuthbert - even though she's a silly Canadian, she has been in the top spot for several months now. Hot blonde, loves sports, actually seemed attainable despite playing the role of a porn star in the movie The Girl Next Door.

2. Rachel Bilson - I had never even seen a single episode of The OC until about a month ago, but then I saw this chick and I have been hooked ever since. Her character is slightly insane, but aren't all women?

3. Kate Bosworth - From Blue Crush and Win a Date with Tad Hamilton. Absolutely love this girl.

4. Heather Mitts - gained points after doing sideline commentary for TBS during a recent college football game. Role player for the US Women's Soccer Team which is a plus, but she loses some street cred for dating A.J. Feeley. Still, quite adorable, fits into the proper height range (no taller than 5'6") and originally hails from Ohio.

5. Sophia Bush - from the WB show, One Tree Hill. Making her first appearance in the top five...I just think she has an amazing body and a great smile.


And now back to our regularly scheduled program...

So here's the thing: according to Bowl Championship Series rules, if a team from one of the BCS conferences (Big Ten, Big XII, ACC, SEC, Pac-10, and Big East) doesn't earn it's conference's automatic bid but still finishes in the top 4 of the BCS rankings, then it will automatically receive an at large bid to one of the games. We're probably in anyways, but it'd be nice to have Va Tech and LSU lose to guarantee it.

I'll only add a short paragraph here on how the Big East doesn't really deserve to be considered a BCS conference right now because, well, we're stuck with them. Two points. First, it's written into the contract that they are part of the formula until 2008 (I believe) so there's no way out of it now. Second, everyone agrees that they are a joke so there is nobody to argue with about it. How ridiculous would it have been if South Florida received an automatic bid? Honestly. Great for them, but how would like to be Notre Dame or Ohio State and have to play these jokers? I don't know if I would be able to take the game seriously.

Thankfully the Big East crisis solved itself and as long as both teams hold serve, USC will play Texas for the National Championship, but I still feel it's time to drastically overhaul the entire Division 1 postseason. Although there isn't a single person alive that disagrees with me on this, save for maybe the NC double-Assholes, there is much disagreement on how it should be reworked.

We seem to be split into two camps; the current bowl system (with some tweaking) or a playoff system. The presidents of the universities claim that a playoff system would be "detrimental to the education of the student-athlete." Adding weeks to the season, they say, would keep football players out of class longer. However, these are the same presidents who recently agreed to an increase from 11 to 12 regular season games and also allow it’s basketball programs to take week-long road trips to Hawaii for preseason tournaments. I'm calling bullshit here.

I actually somewhat enjoy the opinion of Ohio State's own Kirk Herbstreit. He likes the idea of a "plus one" where we keep the current BCS system, tweak the formula (again) and just simply add another game if there are still two undefeated teams at the end. While this may have solved the problem in some recent years, it wouldn't have last year. After all of the bowl games had been played, there were still an unprecedented FOUR teams with unbeaten records (USC, Auburn, Utah, Boise State.) What do you do then Kirk?

Granted, some of this could have been cleaned up had they allowed Utah to play Auburn in a BCS bowl. Then there would have been two (USC and Boise State.) I say that because I have no doubt that nobody was beating the Trojans last year. However, does that mean that Auburn or Utah shouldn't have gotten a chance to try? The Tigers went unbeaten in the SEC for Pete's Sake!

So, here is my totally far-fetched, yet completely feasible solution (as always, bare with my insanity):

Much like NCAA Basketball, they should form an actual BCS committee. This panel will be made up of experts who are paid to watch football and analyze it for a living. People like Mel Kiper, Jr., Kirk Herbstreit, and Keith Jackson as well as former coaches like Lou Holtz (even though he's a cheater and totally senile at this point) and John Cooper. I also think Ron Jaworski should get involved in the college game, his analysis is tops amung the pro football community. This committee would seed who it feels are the eight teams most deserving of a shot at the National Championship.

Please note: this is not the teams ranked 1-8. It's not the champions of the six BCS conferences plus two at large teams. They would determine the teams and seeds based on strength of schedule, margin of victory, computer rankings, human poll rankings, etc. Basically, anything they can find that might be of use.

I would also include a provision that teams could not meet in the first round if they played against each other in the regular season. This would create new match-ups and exciting games. It would also be completely independent of any bowl games. They would be played in mid-December, around the 15th of the month, and all on the same day. The timing would give teams at least two weeks to prepare and still allow a break for the holidays before returning to prepare for the next round on January 1st.

Just try to imagine these match-ups people; this would create such a great atmosphere in the middle of December when the college football world is basically non-existant. Instead of watching crappy bowl games between 6-5 NC State and 7-4 Michigan, we'd get the USC-Auburn game that we weren’t given in 2004. Try and tell me that the Tigers wouldn’t be fired up for that game. Or in 2004, how about a potential home game for Utah against Texas? Crazy. The first round might look something like this:

2005
1-USC V. 8-Auburn
2-Texas V. 7-Notre Dame
3-Penn State V. 6-LSU
4-Virginia Tech V. 5-Ohio State

2004
1-USC V. 8-Boise State
2-Oklahoma V. 7-Louisville
3-Auburn V. 6-California
4-Utah V. 5-Texas

This would be a logistical nightmare, but if a team was good enough during the regular season to go undefeated and it was one of the top four seeded teams, then they would be allowed to play their first round game at home. If not, such as Penn State and Virginia Tech this year, the game would be played at a regional site near their home. (i.e. PSU would probably try to play at Lincoln Financial Field in Philadelphia, Va Tech could play at Bank of America Stadium in Charlotte.)

Following the first round, teams would be re-seeded much like the NHL Playoffs used to be when it still existed. (I'm aware it's back, but as my St. Louis Blues are horrendous, I'm pretending that the lock-out is still on.) The winner of 1-8 wouldn't necessarily play the winner of 4-5 as in a normal bracket. Instead, and this is totally hypothetical, the second round could look like this:

1-Texas
4-Auburn

2-Ohio State
3-LSU

It is during this round that teams would play on New Year's Day in the various BCS bowls. The four bowls (Rose, Fiesta, Orange and Sugar) would maintain a rotation where two would get the big games every year. The other two would then get to choose between the losers of the first round games and any remaining teams that didn't make the committee's top eight. This could create a match-up where we would get to see Notre Dame-Miami (FL) or USC-Penn State. I realize this could be chaotic because the bowls like to know almost a full month in advance who they are getting so it's easier to promote. I'm sure the NCAA could force them to adjust though, just as they did when the whole BCmesS came into existence in the first place.

The final game would then be played about a week after the semi-finals at a neutral site. Personally, I would like to see them build a 100,000-seat stadium in Las Vegas that could host this game every year (and the occasional Super Bowl.)

This seems to me to be the fairest way to create a true national champion in college football. It would allow the little guys like Utah and Boise State from 2004 to have a chance much like Gonzaga does in March Madness every year. It would create a situation where we couldn't possibly have more than one undefeated team.

This is my vision. When I am voted the commissioner of sports someday, this vision will be realized.

Justice is finally served...with some turkey

I hope everyone had a great Bird Day. Mine was good, although Cleveland is still Cleveland. Proud of my roots, glad I don't live there. A couple of quick highlights:

Wednesday Night
Congratulations to my cousins Neil and Bryan for taking first and second in the "Second Annual Thanksgiving Week Poker Game in Dale's Awesome Basement." Extra kudos for Neil as he finished 2nd last year as well. Of course, last year was a much more dramatic final two as a buddy of mine from high school, Demas, came from behind to win despite being down 999-1 in chip count. That is not a joke. For the second consecutive year I received no help from the Poker Gods. Despite only winning one hand and receiving no better than pocket nines all night, I somehow managed to not finish last (6th, actually.)

Thursday
A strange Thanksgiving Day this year as the "traditional" family wasn't with us until after dinner. We had dinner with my step-mom's, step-mom's family. Strange, I know. Then we played some more poker and Bryan and his fiance took the place down.

Friday
It was good to see some of the rest of the people I never get to hang out with because they live in C-town and I live in Chi-town. An especially good time was had with Vinny and Graham. We went to Cleats in North Royalton for some wings and a couple beers and then we were driving Graham home when I received a phone call from the Little Brown Buddy saying he was downtown on W. 6th. After doubling back a la Clint Eastwood for Vinny's parking lot key, we drove downtown and parked in the back lot at Tequila Ranch. By far the coolest hook-up Vinny has come up with in the 15+ years that I've known him.

Saturday
Spent the day at church with my dad, my uncle and Mr. Szakacs setting up the lighting for the Christmas Madrigal (a play we have put on for years that I was actually in the main cast for during my only appearance in the thing.) Then I drove back to Chicago and spent some time in the 'burbs with my buddy Hacksaw.

Sunday
Hung out with Hacksaw and his girlfriend Claudia (although the picture is actually him with our friend Angie in college.) They were in town from Houston, so we paid a visit to Chicago's own Ed Debevics. Ed's is a 50's type dinner where the wait staff all play roles such as "the prom queen" and "letter sweater guy" and they treat you like crap. The more I think about it, I would be great at that job. I don't think Claudia or Hacksaw's dad were very amused.

But, the best thing that happened on Sunday had to be the unveiling of the new AP and Coaches Polls in college football. The Ohio State Buckeyes were moved up to 6th in both rankings despite having already finished their regular season because the Drunken Irish of Notre Dame played like crap and barely survived at Stanford. Pathetic that it took until week 14 for them to get this right, but at least it's done.

However, I still don't think the Irish should be 7th! Upon further review, Oregon's schedule isn't really any tougher than ND's, but I would still make the case that the SEC isn't getting much love over the past two years. I think Auburn is getting low-balled at #9 and Georgia and Alabama are also underrated at #13 and #14 respectively.

Also, I still have a problem with the order of the teams ranked 3-5. LSU's loss, despite the effects that Katrina may have had on it, is much worse than Penn State and Virginia Tech's losses. Later today the BCS rankings will be revealed and hopefully this will paint a clearer picture. Until then, here is my top 15:

1. USC
2. Texas
3. Penn State
4. Virginia Tech
5. LSU
6. Ohio State
7. Auburn
8. Oregon
9. Miami (FL)
10. Georgia
11. Notre Dame
12. Alabama
13. West Virginia
14. UCLA
15. TCU

Out like the fat kid in dodgeball

I was invited to play for a co-ed Chicago Sport and Social Club soccer team mid-season by Nash's girlfriend, who we will refer to as The Nurse. The Nurse's hot roommate also plays, but we'll have to come up with a name for her later. I have had an excellent time freezing my pale white ass off with this crew over the past few weeks out on the pitch and in our sponsor's bar, Durkin's.

Last night, we lost 5-1 in the 2nd round of the playoffs (because getting to the 2nd round is all about a 1st round bye.) Of course, I blame this largely due to the fact that we have several of the aforementioned "Green Weenies" on our team. The lesson, as always, don't trust people from OU.

THE Miami of Ohio State University

Congratulations are in order for my alma mater, Miami University, or as my buddy The Show calls them, "THE Miami of Ohio State University." You see, I graduated from Miami, but I'm a life-long Ohio State fan. I'll always root for my school first, but realistically I wouldn't want the Buckeyes to blow a perfectly good national championship season on a 7-4 Miami team. The Show went to Purdue and often bitches when I refer to the Bucks in the first person. According to him, since I didn't go to school there, I can't say "we." He also gets annoyed at how often I drive the mid-major promotional train for my Miami Redskins.

It appears I know too much about my school and I get on The Show's (and everyone else's) last nerve when I claim things like, "if we played Iowa in week 2 instead of week 1 during the 2003 season, we'd have gone undefeated and won a BCS bowl." I just don't think we were ready to go into Kinnick Stadium with their pink visitor's locker room without a warm-up game against a cream puff.

Or, "Ben Roethlisberger should have won the Heisman trophy over Jason White." Come on, White went undrafted and never took a snap in the NFL before retiring. He also went to Oklahoma (who I can't stand) where he had some amazing lineman and skill position guys around him. You mean to tell me that he was the best college football player in the country? Please. He wasn't even the best quarterback. Here's a few that should have beat him out, in no particular order: Big Ben, J.P. Losman, Eli Manning and Philip Rivers. Any one of those guys could have stepped into that program and won a national title. Last I checked, White choked in the big game that year.

But I honestly believe things like this. That's my problem. I openly complain about the east coast media bias and the fact that none of my teams get the respect they deserve. At the same time, I'm probably the most biased person you'll ever meet when it comes to sports fandum. Ah, the duality of man.

You may have also noticed my calling our boys the Redskins, as I am and will forever be one. It's true, by the time I arrived on campus in the late summer of 1997 the university had already made the switch. But, my dad was a Miamian and there was never a doubt in my mind where I was going from the first day I entered high school. I don't know what this made-up bird is, but there is no such thing as a Redhawk. There is a Red-Tailed Hawk, but alas, no big red bird in the hawk family. By looking at the photos, it appears that the red-tailed hawk is, in fact, the bird that the university was modeling our logos and mascot after. And admittedly, Redhawks sounds infinitely cooler than Red-Tailed Hawks. But I seriously don't think it's a big deal to be called the Redskins anyways. Although the name may have had a negative connotation to it a hundred years ago, the fact remains that our beloved Mother Miami is named after the Native American tribe that once occupied the lands in the Miami Valley of Southwestern Ohio. We're proud of that. They were too. Then the university had to get so cravenly PC that they wouldn't know a good time if it hit them in the face.

Also, this will be the last time you see me write the phrase "Miami of Ohio." It's Miami University people. The stupid Hurricanes down in South Beach? They are the University of Miami. If you're going to put an (OH) next to our name in the bottom line, you damn well better put a (FL) next to theirs.

FACT: Miami University was founded in Oxford, Ohio in 1809.
FACT: Florida did not officially become a state until 1821. Prior to that it was owned by Spain.

In other words, we were first. Not only that, but you'll all be serving my kids fries on the way to a skiing trip. How do you like them apples?

On with the original reason for this post...

Last night, the mighty Redskins pointy-ballers gave the Ohio University Green Weenies a serious beat down in Athens, Ohio. Final, 38-7. For the record, that is where my sister went to school.

Also last night, the mighty Redskins hoopsters gave the Dayton Flying Ghetto Boys a serious beat down at Millett Hall in Oxford. Final, 58-42. For the record, my two cousins Bryan and Neil attend college there.

This past Saturday, the mighty #11 "Redskins on Ice (with sticks)" beat the Drunken Irish of Notre Dame 2-0. For the record, nobody of any significance in my life that I'm aware of went to school there.

Just for one night, I will allow my teams to make it seem as though I am better than all of these people. Of course, that's the Miami way. We're just better than you. The sooner you can accept this, the better chance we have of being friends.

Hang on Sloopy

Saturday was a B-E-A-UTIFUL day, was it not? To all the Buckeye haters out there, well, I don't even know what to tell you. If you didn't get a chance to see the amazing comeback led by Junior quarterback Troy Smith, it'll be re-aired as an "Instant Classic" Wednesday night on ESPN 8...."the ocho." Actually, ESPN Classic, but someday I hope to be running one of the 26 different ESPN channels.

Quick thoughts:

-Once again we saw young linebackers step in when we needed a lift. After Bobby Carpenter went down on Michigan's first offensive play from scrimmage, I thought we were in trouble. But the kids stepped up HUGE, just like when A.J. Hawk filled in as a freshman in the Fiesta Bowl in 2003 when the Buckeyes stunned "the other Miami" for the National Championship. Kudla and Patterson did a nice job of shutting down the ends in nickel packages and getting pressure on the quarterback. Hawk and Schlegel had monster performances, as always. Great job by the D to hold Michigan to 32 rushing yards and 255 total yards for the game.

-Is it just me, or should we have won this game by at least two touchdowns? I know this was an atypical game for Ohio State on special teams, but I think those miscues cost us about 130-150 yards in field position and at least 11 points. (UMs TD after the bad punt and the missed XP and FG.) "That School Up North" (this is the nickname Ohioans have unaffectionally given to Michigan, which will from now on be referred to as TSUN) did absolutely nothing all day long. They had three drives where we gave them the ball inside our 37-yard line that they promptly scored 18 points on. One was only a 5 play, 10 yard drive where we stiffened up at the 10-yard line and forced a field goal after turning it over on our own 20. Their two touchdowns came with the aid of pass interference calls in the end zone; one good call, the other a horrific one. Their final score of the day came on a legitimate 11 play, 69 yard drive early in the 4th quarter. Even here, the Bucks' D held at the 2-yard line to force a 19-yard field from Fat Boy Slim (but not actually slim,) Garrett Rivas.

-Looks like we may be headed back to Tempe for the 3rd time in 4 years. I would love a shot at the Irish. Seems to me, as always, Notre Dame is drastically over-rated. Seriously, 6th!?!? They have only played two teams that are currently ranked (#1 USC and #22 TSUN) and they went 1-1 in those games. The only road game they played against a winning team was TSUN, which had a horrendous start to the season. Yes, they played well at home against the Trojans, but they lost. They also lost their home opener to a Michigan State team that has seriously crapped the bed this season. Their schedule (which admittedly seemed difficult in the preseason) looks like this:

at Pittsburgh (5-5)
at TSUN (7-4)
Michigan State (5-6)
at Washington (2-9)
at Purdue (5-6)
USC (11-0)
BYU (6-5)
Tennessee (4-6)
Navy (6-4)
Syracuse (1-9)
at Stanford (5-5)

Hardly daunting. Are they the best 2-loss team in college football? Not likely. Let's ask the AP and Coaches poll voters to kindly remove their heads from their asses. Be honest. You have Notre Dame ranked that high because you all love Charlie Weiss. You have them that high because they almost beat the team that has been ranked # 1 for about as long as we've had troops in Iraq. You have them there because you get to see every game on national television and they have beaten up on inferrior competition. Because of the tradition of football in South Bend. Because of a great movie about a kid who wouldn't quit (that actually turned out to be a moron.)

From left to right (taken in fall of 2001): Cap, Rudy, Nick, KP.

But seriously, look at the teams ranked below the Irish in the AP poll. Do you think they could beat all of those teams? Georgia, Miami (FL), Oregon, Auburn, Alabama, West Virginia, THE Ohio State University..... Sure, maybe they'd win a couple games, but I can't believe they should be ranked higher than all of those teams. I just hope we get a shot at 'em to set the record straight.

-Back to the Bucks...is it just me or did Teddy Ginn, Jr. disappear at times this season? Wasn't that the quietest 9 catches for 89 yards you've ever seen? If it wasn't for the 3 consecutive balls thrown to him on the final drive and the 2 fumbles, I think I may have assumed he missed the bus to Ann Arbor. Don't get me wrong, he's obviously explosive, clearly one of the best athletes in college football, undoubtedly the fastest guy to wear the scarlet and grey (ever?) at least since I've been alive. But don't you think he's a little over-rated? We're talking about a guy that has fumbled a ridiculous amount of times this year. We need to get him some stick'em like Clifford Franklin. I'm telling myself that it was just a sophomore slump and that he'll be back with a vengeance in 2006, but I also hope Santonio Holmes comes back for his senior year so we have a receiver that makes his biggest plays in the biggest games, is willing to take a hit, and even throws a hell of a block.

-Say what you want about Jimmy T, but Sweater Vest boy gets the job done. Tressel has certainly made mistakes this year (namely the decision to take out Troy Smith during the Texas game and, conversely, the decision to leave Troy in during the Penn State game.) But, he's 4-1 against TSUN, far better than his predecessor John Cooper's record of 2-10-1. He's also 3-1 in bowl games including 2-0 in BCS Bowls. It's also been said time and again that OSU is a football factory and they don't care about the student in student-athlete. According to his bio, we had 47 players above a 3.0 in 2004. Not bad.

-I watched this game in the comfort of my own home with my buddy Hutch and my sister. A few years back I decided to stop watching these games at bars or with non-OSU friends. For one, I don't want any negative Buckeye energy near me. I even kicked out my roommate, Nash, because he hates OSU and his mom used to work for TSUN (she now works for Florida State, not much better.) Surely he wasn't sticking around anyways, but you get the point. He and our other buddy, Lizak, are Notre Dame fans. I just can't deal with that during the biggest rivalry in all of sports. The other reason I stopped going out for these games, I'm just not a fun person to be around if we lose. The night we lost to Texas, I felt like I had just watched someone run over my dog with a riding lawn mower. Thankfully I have neither a dog nor a lawn mower, so this could never happen. But you could imagine if it did.

-Hutch, or BNT as he is known by many a Chicagoan, promptly fell asleep late in the 3rd quarter or early in the 4th. I'm not so sure exactly when this happened because I was too involved with the game. He claims the Skyline dip "got to him." I think a second X chromosome got to him, but that's just me.

-Not too long after that, my sister disappeared into my bedroom to lay down. I'm not sure if she, too, was just being una punta gigante or if she legitimately couldn't handle the 21-12 score that we were behind by. Either way, she heard the touchdown to cut the lead to 21-19 and stayed put. Good girl. I am generally not a superstitious person. I've never knocked on wood. I walk under ladders like it's my job. I'm not afraid to break a mirror, in fact, I find any activity where I get to break things to be wildly entertaining. As far as black cats go, I punt them (to be fair, I would punt any cat that got in my way.) Let me make this clear though, had she come out of that room, I would not have hesitated to knock her out with a swift blow to the temporal lobe and put her back where she was. You just don't mess around when momentum has shifted our way in a big game. And if you think I'm joking about this, you just don't know me very well.

-The first touchdown TSUN scored was my fault. Let me say that again. The first touchdown TSUN scored was ENTIRELY my fault. On Friday, I came home from work and proceeded to play a game (or four) of EA Sports NCAA College Football 2006 on my PS2. I'm a couple of seasons deep in the dynasty mode and Maurice Wells (Ohio State's true freshman tailback) is a junior and one of my star players. I was playing the #3 Tennessee Volunteers in a rematch of the previous season's National Championship game. Maurice Wells fumbled SIX TIMES. Why didn't I take him out, you ask? Because I kept thinking to myself, "Self, the computer won't make him fumble again, will they?" The answer is a resounding, "Yes, they would." True to form, Wells coughed up the ball on our own 36-yard line with his only carry of the real game. I can only breath a deep sigh of relief that Tressel didn't stick with him like I did. This is my offical apology to all of Buckeye Nation and I am currently drafting a formal letter to Troy Smith and Jim Tressel to thank them for bailing me out. It's my fault. I will not argue about this.

Finally....
-ANN ARBOR IS A WHORE!

Introduction....more to follow

I'm bored and I need a forum to voice my opinions on the sports world. As none of my friends take my ramblings seriously anymore (I think they're sick of me complaining about my Ohio teams) I'm using a blog...something I have been vehemently opposed to since their inception.

I'm anticipating that not many people will find said blog as I am still utterly confused as to how my sister has developed such an enormous readership at her bizzybiz page.

A typical daily rant will include the most recent controversial events in the sports world, whatever they may be, and my often antagonistic and hate-filled thoughts about the teams that I loathe. I'll write about my personal conquests and failures as I continue to struggle with the fact that I am not nearly as athletic as I used to be. I read hundreds of various sports-related websites, magazines and books and watch as much PTI, Around the Horn, and even Jim Rome as humanly possible. I also listen to alot of Mike & Mike in the Morning and Mac, Jurko and Harry on ESPN Radio here in Chicago. I subscribe to bigsoccer.com. I'm a lover of most sports, so you may even see a few curling references (though not likely.) Besides, Canada isn't a real country, is it? More on that at a later time, but for now I'll tell you this, my opinions will often stand alone, so if you get easily pissed off or offended I'm encouraging you to just deal with it and walk away. Or post a comment tearing my ass to shreds. Either way we'll have a good time.